


A Hard Man To Love

by celticheart72



Series: The Story of Merle [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dirty Talk, F/M, Finger Sucking, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Merle Dixon Being an Asshole, Merle Dixon Smut, Nice Merle Dixon, Pregnancy, Protective Merle Dixon, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 00:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: Merle has been a lot of things over the years but easy to love or live with hasn't been one of them. The woman who loves him reflects over the years she's spent with him and recounts the reasons why people don't understand why she stays as well as the reasons why she does.THIS FIC IS COMPLETEI do not own any of TWD only my own original characters and ideas.





	1. Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Smutty chapter  
> This is OOC and AU

Merle had a hard life, you knew that, harder than yours. He'd had an abusive father that wasn't interested in taking care of his family. They were lucky to get a meal a day and survive his abuse to the next day. Not that your life had been all that hard. Granted you didn't grow up in the lap of luxury but you'd had a roof over your head, food to eat, and two loving parents. Everything you had as an adult of course you'd had to work hard for, you weren't shy about getting your hands dirty or doing 'a man's work' as Merle called it. He was a hard man. Hard to love. Hard to live with. Hard to relate to. But underneath the gruff demeanor and shit talk he was a good man. And when he was present in the moment with you, he was the best of men.

He'd never asked you to marry him. You were never sure if it was because he didn't want to be tied down or if he didn't want to forever tie you to him but that was okay. Both happiness and life were fleeting things and you took what he was able to give you. The two of you shared a house, shared the load, and shared a bed at night. Were there disappointments and bitter arguments? Times you thought you should just pack up and leave forever? Of course. Merle had let you down over the years. Cheated on you and broken your heart. But you could honestly say he'd never made you fear him. He'd never turned his anger on you, hit you or abused you. Physically or verbally. He genuinely had too much respect for you and your place in his life to do that.

Could you have done better? It depended on your definition of better. Could your life have been easier with another man? Yes. Could you have had less heartbreak with another man? Yes. Could you have suffered fewer hard times with another man? Yes. Could you have been as happy with another man? No. Could you have felt as safe with another man? No. Could another man work your body the way Merle did? No.

Your friends didn't understand why you'd stayed with him for so long. First, he was older than you. By fifteen years. You'd been together since you were twenty and he was thirty-five. Now you were thirty-five and he was approaching his fiftieth birthday. You didn't have daddy issues, that wasn't it at all, and he never asked you to call him daddy either. Despite your friends assertions he was taking advantage of your innocence that could not have been further from the truth. You hadn't gone to him as a doe-eyed virgin. That ship had sailed long before he came along since you lost your virginity at sixteen and discovered you really, really liked sex. When Merle came along he had been just the right combination of rough, hard, and sweet, and his blue eyes did you in the first time they landed on you. At that moment you knew you'd spend your life with him.

Second, he loved his beer and had been high on all sorts of drugs for a lot of years. Both before and after you were together. There were several times that he'd drain your bank account for booze or drugs and you wouldn't have money for the rent or to buy food. You'd be kicked out of whatever place you were living in and have to stay in your parent’s basement until Merle sobered up and went out to do some odd jobs so you'd have money to move out of their basement again. Strangely enough, he never touched the account that had been designated for your schooling, not once. Once you got out of nursing school you went into a very specialized field in order to have the opportunity to sign on with the major area hospital with a hefty sign on bonus. A few years later when that opportunity came along you'd used that money to buy your tiny little house and it was enough that the mortgage you had was minimal at best. So after that, even if Merle drained your bank account for booze or drugs, there was still a roof over your heads. Even if the lights got cut off for a time, or you had to ask your parents for groceries for a week, you had a safe place to live that no one could take from you.

Third, there was the cheating. It had happened more than you wanted to admit over the years. In Merle's defense it had never been when he was sober. Not that being drunk or high was an excuse, but it was something to know that when he was in his right mind he'd never consider cheating on you. After you found out about the first time you told him until he could keep his dick in his pants unless it was in you he'd have to wrap it if he wanted it in you. He hadn't argued. You were fairly certain he'd always used condoms when he cheated anyway but you weren't taking chances.

Fourth, there was his temper. It was quick and explosive so your friends naturally assumed he'd lost it on you a time or two. The truth was even in your bitterest of fights he'd never raised a hand to you, never made you afraid of him, and never put you down. He had no qualms about calling another woman something derogatory and disgusting, but the harshest thing he'd ever thrown your way was Princess.

Fifth, there was the fact that he never worked steadily. That didn't mean that he didn't work. He always did and he worked hard, but he rarely had a steady job. The drugs and booze made it hard for him to hold down a regular job so he picked up more odd jobs here and there or he would do mechanics work, mostly motorcycles but cars too, for people at your house. The house might have been tiny, but you made sure it had a large garage and space for Merle to work since that was when he seemed to be the most content.

Despite all of those things there were so many more that let you know underneath it all Merle was a good man and genuinely loved you.

First, the way he looked at you. When you were together he only had eyes for you. Even when other women would brazenly flirt with him he barely registered they were there. He always looked at you like you were the sun, the moon, and the stars to him.

Second, he was always touching you. Not the handsy grab assing you'd expect of most guys like Merle. The ass slapping was for the bedroom. And it wasn't even a possessive touching. Though to be fair, Merle was definitely an alpha male, and he had no qualms about letting other men know who you were with. His arm around your shoulders. Hand holding yours. Sitting you on his lap with his fingers dangerously close to the soft wet heat between your thighs. But often it was just a subtle touch. A thumb along your jawline. His hand at the small of your back. Fingers trailing the curve of your waist or ass. Mostly just sitting or standing so close that you shared personal space and the subtle brush of a part of your bodies when either of you moved.

Third, he made you feel safe, even when it was just an unconscious gesture. Like when you were leaving a store along Main Street in town and he'd shuffle you to the inside of the sidewalk so he was between you and the street. Or how he'd cuddle you into him during a horror movie and tuck you under his chin. When you moved into your house and he made sure his side of the bed was to the door. Teaching you basic self-defense so you could take care of yourself when you told him you'd be working in the lock down psych unit at the hospital after you graduated from nursing school. Making sure your helmet was secure before you climbed on his motorcycle behind him. His smell, which was so uniquely him, a mix of pure male, leather, grease, woodsy spice, and often mint, let you know he was near and nothing could hurt you.

Fourth, he actually listened to you. Not that typical male bullshit of pretending to listen and interjecting a yeah or okay every once in a while. He actually did listen to what you had to say and he remembered. Even when he didn't agree. Even when he thought you'd lost your mind. And even better, he didn't try to solve everything for you. He just listened, let you vent when you needed it, offered his opinion on occasion, and debated with you when you needed that.

Fifth, he paid attention to the little things. Like when you stopped in the grocery store to sniff the lilies and the next day there were lilies on the kitchen table when you got home. Or when you ran out of the soft floral perfume you wore and didn't want to spend the money on yourself and suddenly there'd be a full bottle where the old one used to be. The time you ran your thumb lovingly over the spine of a favorite book in the antique store and it suddenly showed up on your bookshelves a week later. How whenever you mentioned you needed to find time to do something to your car it would suddenly be done the next day while it somehow sat in the hospital parking lot. When you'd come home in tears because you'd lost a patient in the hospital after moving into pediatric oncology and he'd offer to pick up something for dinner and hold you on the couch while watching your favorite feel good movie.

Sixth, he respected your strength and ability to stand up for yourself and only stepped in when things crossed a certain line. Like when you were out somewhere and the guy hitting on you put his hands on you after you had already said no. It wasn't the putting hands on you that got Merle, he had no delusions to ownership over you, it was the fact that you had said no. He'd let you stand up for yourself until a guy got handsy and then he'd step in. Or the few occasions one of the women he'd hooked up with decided to go after you. You would calmly reason with them, block a poorly thrown punch, but as soon you made to leave the situation and one of them went to attack you behind your back he'd step in and set them straight.

Finally, when he almost died from a drug overdose and the first thing he saw when he woke was how terrified you were of losing him he made you a promise to get clean. And he kept that promise.

There were a myriad of other things as well that made the good part of being with Merle outweigh any of the bad. Within fifteen years of rocky roads and hard times you lost count of all of the little things that added up to make you love Merle as fiercely as you did. Granted you'd need all your fingers and toes and some of Merle's to count the times he'd let you down but it still didn't add up to everything else.

One year to the day that he'd made his promise to you, you were having a party in your backyard with family and friends to celebrate his one-year anniversary of being clean. Of course, that mostly meant Merle's brother Daryl and his brood, your mom and dad, the friends of Merle's who respected his sobriety, and some of your own friends. You had gotten up early with the intention to get the house cleaned and start working on food for the party but Merle had other ideas. He'd pulled you into the backyard and got you up into the hammock that hung under the big old oak tree near the small creek that ran behind your house.

The two of you laid comfortably in the hammock swinging back and forth in the early morning breeze. He was laying back in it with his ankles crossed and his right arm wrapped around you, his fingertips running over the skin of your left arm. All he wore were an old pair of baggy running shorts and nothing else. Your left ass cheek was cocked up over his right hip with your left leg bent at the knee and foot resting over his calves. Fortunately, because of the angle your leg was leaning you weren't bared to the world, you hadn't had a chance to pull your panties on under your little knit skirt before Merle had grabbed you. Not that anyone could've seen anything anyway. Merle had put in a privacy fence along each side of your property with a chain link at the back and a gate out to the creek. All that was behind the creek were dense woods.

His left hand ran down your side, fingertips skimming your hip and you felt the hum in his chest against your back. “My dirty little angel not wearin’ any panties?”

You grinned and shook your head leaning back to look up into his deep blue eyes. He lifted his left hand to use his thumb to trace along your jaw and grinned back at you as his hand dropped and his fingers walked themselves under your skirt to skim the curve of your ass. When they made their way to your pussy he found you wet already and he ran a finger lightly over your lips from the back to the front just barely brushing your clit when his finger reached it.

You moaned softly which made him chuckle.

“You got two choices here babe,” Merle whispered against your ear making your shiver as his finger traced your lips again.

“Mmmmmmmm,” you hummed and tilted your head back into his shoulder to look in his eyes.

“Either you can cover your mouth and I’ll play with your tits, or you can play with your own tits and I’ll cover your mouth,” he whispered.

When he nipped the flesh of your earlobe you moaned softly again.

His hand brushed across your chest, right over your nipples, and his thumb traced your bottom lip, “Gotta make a choice.”

Your hands flew up to your chest to cup your breasts and roughly stimulate your nipples through the shelf bra of your tank top. His chest rumbled again as his hand lifted to cover your mouth just in time to stifle an even louder moan when the finger playing with your lips slid between them and slowly made its way inside of you. Merle started to slide his finger slowly back out of you, and his teeth nipped the side of your neck eliciting another moan under his hand. That wicked finger started pumping in and out slowly and he added another one to tap your clit every time his finger slid inside of you all the way to his knuckle. Every time he did that your fingers pinched your nipples hard. It didn’t take long before white light was exploding behind your eyes and you arched your back pressing your ass into his hand and your head into his shoulder as his finger fucked your pussy through your orgasm. His hand was clamped tightly over your mouth to muffle your moans while his teeth nipped your neck and your fingers soothed your pebbled and overly sensitive nipples.

When the spasms of your orgasm finally started to subside he held his hand still, but kept his finger inside of you and dropped his hand from your mouth. The scruff of his cheek rubbed lightly over the soft skin of your neck making you shiver again and you relaxed back into him. He finally pulled his finger from your body and you opened your eyes to look at his face.

"Mmmmmm mmmmm," Merle grinned as he put that finger in his mouth and made a show of licking it clean. "Finger licking good."

All you could do was laugh as you tried to catch your breath and closed your eyes again. You laid there a few minutes with your eyes closed, legs still shaking, and body still on fire while you listened to the early morning birdsong.

"Angel?" Merle whispered in your ear.

You hummed, still delirious from your orgasm.

"Open your eyes babe."

When you did he was holding a ring up to the sunlight filtering down through the leaves of the tree. It was the ring that you'd looked at nearly a year ago, maybe a month after Merle's near fatal overdose. You'd never seen anything like it and had picked it up several times, putting it on your right hand to admire it, then putting it back in the case in the antique shop on Main Street. The ring was sterling silver, the setting made to look like a cala lily, with a single round clear ruby in its center. When you saw it your heart nearly stopped, it was so perfect, but you never got your hopes up. You hadn't taken him in the shop to look at rings. It had just happened to catch your eye when you walked by the case on your way to the back where you had seen an old chest the last time you were there. Merle had brought you into town in his old pickup to get some parts and oil for some work he was doing and tagged along when you told him you wanted to see if the chest was still there. You left town with the parts, oil, and chest and thought the ring had stayed behind.

You shifted in the hammock until you were on your side facing him and looked up at him with wide eyes as he cleared his throat, "This is why I actually brought ya out here this mornin'. Finger fuckin' yer pretty pussy was just a bonus I couldn't resist."

Rolling your eyes you slapped a hand on the hard planes of his abdomen making him chuckle.

"When I saw you with this ring I knew it was the one. But at the time I didn't know how things were gonna work out. With me just gettin' sober, goin' through withdrawals, spittin' piss and vinegar at everyone. I thought ya might just finally give up on me before I could do it. I went back to that antique store when I had the money from some mechanic work I did and got this ring, carried it in my pocket with me every day since. Remindin' me that through all the shit I put ya through ya stuck by me and I wasn't gonna let you down this time. I ain't never asked ya before because I knew I woulda been a shit husband and truth be told I don't deserve ya. Now I figure at least I can make ya a decent husband even if I still don't deserve ya. So my Angel, would ya make me the happiest man that ever lived and be my wife?"

You smile and use the back of your hand to wipe away the tears threatening to spill while you nod, "Yes Merle. Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife."

He grinned that wide shit eating grin of his and put the ring on your left hand where it fit perfectly. Then he lifted his hands to tangle in your hair and pulled you down to his lips for a kiss that was both passionate and soft all at once. You could feel the length of his erection pressed into your thigh that was thrown over his lap and lifted yourself slightly to look at him as you rubbed your thigh over the length of it.

“What would you think about going inside and christening our bed as a newly engaged couple?” You asked him with a grin.

“I think my dirty little angel isn’t movin’ fast enough,” he growled at you with a smack to your ass and a wicked grin.


	2. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING
> 
> Announcements are made and someone tries to start some trouble.

Before you could even turn down the small hallway to your bedroom your front door opened and Daryl walked in with little Lizzie in his arms. Merle stopped in his tracks and quickly moved behind the kitchen island. You crossed your arms over your chest and smirked over at Merle who had his hands braced on the island with a murderous look in his eyes. Daryl just grinned and shook his head at the two of you as his eighteen-month-old daughter pulled at his beard.

“Damn cock blockin’ basterd,” Merle muttered.

“Yer lucky Merle, I heard the two of ya in the backyard and waited,” Daryl told him with a raised eyebrow as he removed Lizzie’s hands from his scruff.

Merle dropped his head and shook it, “What the hell ya doin’ here lil brother?”

“Carol tried calling ya Grace but ya didn’t answer,” Daryl walked over to the kitchen and sat Lizzie on the island and blew a raspberry at her before looking over at you. “She wanted ta warn ya that Philip is plannin’ on bringin’ Andrea tonight.”

“Ah fuck me,” Merle cursed.

Daryl gave Merle a hard look and swept Lizzie’s hand away from his beard again, “Think ya already did that big brother.”

Merle straightened and pointed a finger a Daryl while pulling his lips into a snarl. Before the two could start any kind of argument you put a hand on Merle’s arm and saw him visibly uncoil. “It’s okay guys. Really. What happened between Andrea and Merle was over a year ago.”

“It’s not okay Angel,” Merle told you. “Philip’s just bringin’ that dick eatin’ cunt to start shit.”

“Shhhhheeeeeeittttt…” Lizzie repeated and clapped her hands.

Merle scrubbed his hand over his face and you silently laughed.

Daryl didn’t look amused, “Carol’s gonna be pissed if she starts saying that regular like now.”

Merle grinned and waved a hand at the little girl, “Just tell her it’s my fault, she can come beat the…” He looked to you for help but you just grinned and shook your head at him. “Stuffin’ out of me.”

“If he does bring her tonight just don’t get into anything with them Merle,” Daryl sighed and picked Lizzie up again whose hands automatically latched onto his beard making her father roll his eyes. “I gotta trim this so she stops puttin’ her hands in it.”

“You could use a haircut too Daryl,” you tell him with a grin, his dark brown hair was starting to get floppy.

“Yeah, yeah. Carol’s gonna cut it when she gets home later. I’ll get her to trim this to Lizzie safe length then too,” he made a face at the little girl in his arms and laughed when she squealed at him.

You looked over to Merle who was smiling at his brother and niece. It was one of those wide rare sincere smiles he wore when something really touched his heart and it made your heart melt into a big puddle at your feet. Daryl left with Lizzie then calling a gruff ‘Later’ behind him as he walked out of the front door.

Merle’s blue eyes turned on you then and while the smile was still there his eyes look troubled, “I’m sorry Angel.”

Smiling at him you walked over to where he still stood behind the island and put your hands on his chest. His arms came around you and his hands rested at the small of your back as he looked down into your eyes. “That is over and done with Merle. It’s a mistake of the past, we dealt with it, and I’m not going to keep punishing you for the same things over and over. I love you and we’re celebrating your one-year sober anniversary and our engagement this afternoon.”

He leaned down to kiss you then, and it was a soft, sweet kiss rather than the hard and fast you expected based on how you both were feeling before Daryl walked in. You felt his arm reach behind your back before he leaned down and his other went behind your knees and he stood with you in his arms.

“What are you doing?” You whispered into his mouth.

“Takin’ the woman I love to our bedroom so I can show her how I feel,” he whispered back.

His steps were slow and measured as he continued to kiss you while he walked you both back to your bedroom where he laid you down in the middle of the bed. When he let go of you, you reached down to grab the hem of your tank top and pulled it over your head throwing it to the floor then pushed your skirt down your hips and lifted your legs so you could do the same with it. He stood next to the bed watching you, one hand resting on his abdomen, his fingers just under the waistband of his shorts, the other resting on his hip. His blue eyes were full of desire and the outline of his hard cock was evident under the fabric of his shorts which he finally pushed down his long legs and climbed on the bed over top of you. Spreading your legs you made room for him between them and he propped himself up on his elbows and put his hands on either side of your face.

“I love you Grace Ayers,” his thumbs traced the outline of your cheekbones as he spoke and he placed light kisses on your lips.

You smiled and you felt your heart swell at how tender he was being, “I love you too Merle Dixon.”

His hard cock slid slowly inside of you making you gasp at the feel of him, his size always made you feel so full and the head touched your cervix when he was buried to the hilt in you. Rather than thrusting hard and fast he took you slow and easy. It was a rare thing that Merle really made love to you, most of the time you both liked it hard, fast, and dirty. Your legs lifted to wrap around his waist and you moved your hips slowly to meet his. His lips moved from yours to your jaw, down along your neck, to your collarbone, and he pushed up on his hands to trail kisses down your chest to your breasts. You felt his tongue circle first one nipple then the other and his nose rested between your breasts as his hot breath tickled your sternum. Merle’s lips kissed their way back up your chest, over the other collarbone and side of your neck, and back to your lips where you felt his tongue run along the seam of your lips. Opening your mouth your tongue met his in a searing kiss and you opened your eyes to find his blue eyes watching you.

With each thrust he ground into you causing just the right amount of friction over your clit causing little jolts of electricity to shoot throughout your entire body. A warm tension started building at your connection which spread up to your nipples making them tingle and down your legs to your toes. When the tension finally released it was in crashing waves that made your back arch and you cried out his name as your toes curled. He tensed as you felt your pussy clench hard around him and he started to growl ferally before his hips started bucking wildly into you and he ground out your name. When his body finally relaxed he propped himself up on his elbows and buried his nose into the crook of your neck.

“Forgot the condom Angel,” he breathed.

The only reason you’d made him wear them was because you couldn’t trust what he’d do when he was drunk or high, but that wasn’t an issue anymore. You lifted a hand to run through the short soft curls on his head, “Merle, we don’t need them anymore.”

He lifted his head to look in your eyes and you smiled warmly at him, “I’m sorry we ever did. But I’m sure glad we don’t need ‘em anymore because you feel fucking amazing skin on skin.”

“So do you,” you grinned and pouted out your lips for a kiss.

Merle smoothed your hair out of your face and kissed you, soft and sweet, and it reminded you just how tender the man could be. When he lifted his head he had that mischievous grin on his face you loved so much. “I’m gonna eat that pretty pussy of yers and fuck ya ‘til ya can’t stand up tonight after that party.”

You couldn’t help it but the irony of his words compared to what you had just been thinking made you chuckle.

He lifted an eyebrow, “That funny Angel?”

As you chuckled you could feel him getting hard again, “No Merle, it’s not. I was just thinking how tender you can be at times.”

“I’ll show ya tender,” he growled and started thrusting again, this time the hard and fast you both loved so much.

 

You opened the sliding glass door to the backyard with an aluminum tray full of chicken you and Carol had marinated for Merle and Daryl to put on the grill. They were both on the deck Merle had built on the back of the house with bottles of soda. Merle had said if people wanted to drink it was fine because as he put it he had to get used to it since you’d never be able to guarantee everywhere you went would be alcohol free. You told him you were fine with people bringing their own but you weren’t going to buy beer or liquor since neither of you drank and neither did Daryl or Carol.

When Daryl saw you carrying the tray toward them he passed Merle the tongs he was holding and walked up to take it from you with a grin.

“Thanks Daryl,” you said with a smile and looked to where Merle was flipping burgers over the flames.

Your brother-in-law just grunted and carried the tray over to the side table next to where Merle was, “Where’s Carol?”

“Putting Lizzie down for a nap in the pack and play,” you told him and pushed up on your toes to give Merle a kiss on his scruffy cheek.

“Hey there Angel,” he smiled, and kept his eyes on the burgers rather than turning his eyes on you.

You could tell from his demeanor that he was a little irritated and when you really looked at him you realized his shoulders were tense, “What’s wrong?”

“Good ole Phil brought Andrea,” he muttered.

When you looked around the backyard you saw Maggie and Glen, Lori and Rick, Shane, your mom and dad, Abe, Eugene, Negan and Lucille, Beth, Carl, Sophia and a few of her friends, and of course there was Philip and Andrea.

“They been sayin’ Andrea’s got somethin’ ta tell you two, and they’re lookin’ awful happy about it,” Daryl told you quietly and took the other pair of tongs from Merle and started putting chicken on the grill.

Carol walked out then and slid the back door closed gently so she wouldn’t disturb Lizzie. She had a baby monitor in her hand and when she saw the tension between Daryl and Merle her eyes flicked to you.

“Hey baby,” Daryl gruff voice said to Carol when she walked over to him. “Lizzie go down?”

“Out like a light,” she said with a smile and kissed him. “What’s going on? You two look ready to wrestle bear.”

You waved your hand over toward where Philip and Andrea were standing.

Carol shook her head, “Why did he even come? It’s not like he was ever really your friend Merle.”

Merle just shrugged and grunted which prompted you to swat him in the ass. Despite his sullen demeanor he grinned at that.

“Stop it Merle, I told you, what happened with Andrea is in the past. There’s absolutely nothing either of them can say or do to hurt us,” you tell him and run your hand over his abdomen underneath his t-shirt.

He grinned and grabbed your hand to hold it in place before your fingers could cause him any problems. You leaned your cheek into his back and hugged him with a smile, enjoying the way his muscles rippled under his t-shirt as he moved. Carol was watching you with an amused expression and shook her head.

“Heads up, incomin’,” Daryl said out of the corner of his mouth.

Merle tensed under your hand and you just squeezed him tighter.

“Well, well Merle. One year sober. Congratulations,” Philip said in that sleazy politician’s voice of his.

“Thanks Phil,” Merle said but kept his eyes on the grill.

“I hear other congratulations are in order too,” he said and nodded toward your left hand.

You’d told Carol, Daryl, and your parents that you were engaged when they got to your house for the party, and the news was gradually filtering around your friends. Though you hadn’t thought to tell them to keep it from these two. Andrea was staring daggers at Merle even though she was hanging on the arm of the Mayor of your city.

“Thank you Philip, we appreciate it,” you said to him and noted Andrea rolled her eyes.

Carol met your eyes and put a hand over her mouth to suppress a snicker.

“Philip,” Andrea said and nudged him in the side.

He looked over toward her and put an arm around her shoulders, “Well, Andrea here has a little something to announce too.”

Merle tensed and sighed before passing the spatula he was using over to Daryl and turning around. You put your arm around him and rested a hand on his abdomen again and his arm went around your shoulders. The tension was evident in his body, he was wound tighter than a spring and he felt ready to explode at any second.

Andrea looked right at Merle and smiled, “I’m pregnant.”

“That’s lovely Andrea…” You started to say but she held a hand palm out to stop you.

“It’s yours Merle.”

Daryl spit out the soda he was drinking and rounded on Merle, “Son of a…”

“Lil brother…”

Shaking your head you shifted around so you were between them as Carol put her arms around Daryl to keep him from jumping his brother.

“Andrea ya know damn well that baby ain’t mine,” Merle snarled, and you gave his side a squeeze to get him to keep quiet. You knew he hadn’t had sex with her in thirteen months. Their last encounter was a drunken binge he went on about a month before his near fatal overdose.

“How far along Andrea?” You asked calmly, studying her abdomen carefully. It was flat as a board.

“Three months,” she smiled.

You made a show of thinking about the time frame and saw Merle give you a curious look out of the corner of your eye. “Hmmmmm…very interesting Andrea, considering the last time you had sex with Merle was April of last year.”

“We had sex three months ago,” Andrea asserted, standing up straight and pushing her breasts forward.

“Really? Are you sure about that? He’s been home with me every night since this time last year,” you explained calmly.

“You know I hate to tell you sweetheart, but Merle doesn’t exactly have the best record of being faithful,” Philip offered with a sneer.

You were from the south, just like Merle and Daryl, so you were used to people using affectionate nicknames even with people they didn’t know well, but it made you throw up a little in the back of your throat when Philip did it. “Well I hate to tell you honey bunches, but he’s always told me when he wasn’t. One thing Merle Dixon is not is a liar.”

Philip’s eyes narrowed dangerously at your words, “Now you listen here sweetheart, if Andrea says this baby is Merle’s, then it’s Merle’s and he needs to stand up and be a man.”

Merle was tense beside you and vibrating, and you turned to look at him, “Do you have an issue with a paternity test?”

“Nope.”

“There. Problem solved. If she’s three months pregnant we can do a NIPP test,” you tell them with a smile.

Andrea’s expression faltered for a bare second before the smile was back in place and she shook her head, “No, I don’t want to take the chance of hurting our baby.”

“No more risk to the baby than any normal pre-natal bloodwork you have done. It’s just a blood draw from you and from Merle.”

“We’ll have a discussion with Andrea’s doctor and get back to you on that,” Philip told you then looked at Andrea. “Come on sweetheart, let’s head back home. The air out here is getting humid.”

“Only because of all your hot air,” you muttered under your breath as they walked away.

“Thank you, Angel,” Merle said quietly when he heard the side gate close.

Turning you looked him like he was crazy, “For what?”

“Believin’ in me.”

Daryl looked shamefaced as he looked at Carol who was giving him one of her looks.

“Merle, I’ve always believed in you.”


	3. Cheating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter does deal with a discussion of cheating.
> 
> SMUT warning as well.

“I cannot believe Merle actually asked you to marry him,” Lori said while she picked at her salad. “I mean, are you sure he’s not going to cheat on you anymore?”

You and Maggie looked at each other and Maggie rolled her eyes. Lori was seven months pregnant and didn’t know if the baby was Shane or Rick’s though she wouldn’t admit to that. Truthfully, she probably honestly thought no one knew she’d been sleeping with Shane for the last year.

Sitting up a little straighter you set the fry you had halfway to your mouth back on your plate before brushing your hands off on each other, “Lori, why would you ask that?”

She gave me an incredulous look, “Grace he’s been cheating on you since you moved in together.”

Shaking my head I looked to the ceiling and blinked back tears. Merle and I had dealt with his cheating, and it was something he hadn’t done since the last time with Andrea before he got clean. I loved him and was happy, but I was tired of most of my friends digging at my relationship with him. Granted when Merle hurt me I’d turned to my friends for support but I never put him down, never complained about my relationship, and never once said I didn’t want to be with him. A few of my friends supported my relationship, like Maggie, despite her own past issues with him.

Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth I looked back down at Lori, “How would you hope Rick would respond to finding out you had been having an affair with Shane?”

Lori’s mouth dropped open and she stared at me in shock.

“Wouldn’t you hope that he could find it in his heart to forgive you and move on? Especially since you love him?” I pressed.

She was still staring blankly at me. Maggie had her bottom lip pressed up into her teeth as she watched Lori.

“And wouldn’t you hope that his friends could support his decision to stay with you despite the fact that baby you’re carrying might not be his?” I continued.

“I am not cheating on Rick,” Lori asserted lamely.

“Oh come on Lori, all three of us know that’s not true. You started sleeping with Shane after Rick was shot last year and kept it up even after Rick finally made it home from the hospital,” Maggie threw in.

Lori looked down at her hands over her hugely pregnant belly and looked like she might cry.

“You know what the difference is between what you’re doing and what Merle did?” I asked her.

“What Grace?” She said in a tight voice.

“He never lied to me about it, he always told me himself. And you know, yeah, it hurt like hell when he did. But at least I didn’t walk in on him boffing another woman,” I explained calmly and pointed at her stomach. “He also never got another woman pregnant.”

That apparently was all Lori could take, she opened up her purse and threw a twenty-dollar bill down on the table, “That’s it, I’m not going to sit here and listen to this anymore.”

Maggie and I watched as she stormed out of the diner.

“Well that went well…” Maggie said after Lori’s back.

I shook my head and went back to my fries when I felt Maggie’s hand on my forearm. Looking up at her I could see understanding in her eyes.

_Flashback to fourteen years ago…_

_You were nearing the end of your third year of your BSN and had been working in the diner, going to school, and doing clinicals at the hospital for school. The time you and Merle got to spend together was limited and you were looking forward to an evening alone with him. The two of you were going to watch Die Hard, have a pizza and some beer, and you were hoping for a couple of orgasms somewhere in the mix. One thing about Merle, he was the king of giving you multiple orgasms. When you walked into the front door of the trailer you and Merle were renting the lights were out and he wasn’t home yet. Setting the pizza down on the counter in the kitchen you made your way into your bedroom and changed into a pair of cotton shorts and a tank top without a bra or panties. Merle liked it when you didn’t wear a bra or panties, especially in bed, it gave his wandering fingers easier access to tease you._

_Making your way back out to the living room you turned on the TV to a romantic movie Merle would certainly never watch with you. When you woke up hours later, at 3 a.m. to be exact, Merle was sitting on the other end of the couch away from you with his blue eyes fixed on you. He looked tense. His right arm was up on the back of the couch, and his left elbow rested on the arm of the couch with his hand over his mouth._

_Smiling you sat up and started to move over to where he sat but he held his right hand up to stop you._

_Shaking his head he sat forward with his elbows resting over his knees and folded his hands together. He couldn’t meet your eyes when he spoke, “Baby I gotta tell ya somethin’ and y’ain’t gonna like it.”_

_Your heart sank. He’d finally found someone better, someone prettier, someone sexier. Taking a deep breath you met his eyes, “You found someone better didn’t you?” To your ears you sounded pitiful and weak and that wasn’t you, but you loved him. Every flawed, scarred bit, you loved him._

_His head snapped up and he looked at you in shock, “There ain’t no woman better’n you baby. None. But there’s plenty of men a helluva lot better’n me.”_

_“What are you talking about Merle?” If he wasn’t breaking up with you then you couldn’t fathom what he could be so upset about._

_He stared at you for so long, the pain in his blue eyes evident, before he finally spoke. “Gracie, I got drunk last night, went with some buddies ta the lookout to smoke some weed and wound up in the truck with another woman.”_

_You stood up from the couch so fast you felt dizzy and cupped your hands over your mouth as you stared at him. “Merle, what did you do?” You said behind your hands, your voice barely a whisper._

_“I fucked her. Don’t remember it. Barely remember getting in the truck with her,” he shook his head._

_“Maybe you didn’t…” you start to say but his eyes told you something different._

_“Woke up an hour ago with her hangin’ off me, used condom still on my cock…” Merle started but you waved your hands hysterically at him._

_“Damnit Merle! I don’t need those details!”_

_Pressing your hands into your face you felt like you couldn’t breath. When you looked at Merle your heart started to hammer in your chest and you pressed your hand to it. Everyone had warned you about him when you first started dating him and tried to talk you out of moving in with him after only dating for six months. There was something about him from day one though, you knew in your heart, and in your soul that this man was your soulmate. Your touchstone. You knew you’d be with him until your dying day but right now you needed to get out of the same space he occupied or you were likely to make a rash emotional decision._

_“I…I…” You stammered, and he stood up and held his hands out. Shaking your head you pointed at him, “No Merle, don’t touch me. Not right now. Please.” He dropped his hands to his hips and looked at the floor. “I need some air.”_

_Merle watched you walk out the front door with a defeated expression._

_You walked to end of the little trailer court you lived in. It was dark and not always the safest of places for you to walk around by yourself. Merle always either picked you up from the hospital if you were getting home after dark, or would wait up for you on the little deck in the front to make sure no one in the court bothered you when you got home. It was quiet except for the sound of chirping crickets while you stood in the middle of the road half naked in your bare feet. Crossing your arms over your chest you stood there staring out at the road, not really seeing anything in front of you. You heard yelling behind you, coming from the direction of your trailer, but you weren’t really sure who was yelling since you were on the street and you should be the only one yelling._

_The yelling went on for probably fifteen minutes while you stood there like a wraith when it suddenly stopped._

_“Gracie?” Daryl’s gruff voice sounded behind you._

_Turning slowly you realized he was standing there holding your tennis shoes and a sweatshirt. He handed the sweatshirt to you which you woodenly pulled over your head and when you looked back at him to take your shoes you noticed his lip looked split and was a little bloody._

_“Merle’s gotta black eye,” he said sheepishly._

_He offered you his hand which you used to balance yourself while you slipped your tennis shoes on your feet. When you looked back at him again you realized he looked rumpled, Daryl always looked rough, like Merle did, but he looked like he’d been woken up and dragged out of bed. You wondered where Carol was. Daryl was five years older than you and he had been with Carol a little longer than you and Merle had been together. She was a year younger then he was, had just gotten divorced right before they met, and had full custody of her one-year old daughter, Sophia, who was now two. He shouldn’t be standing out in the street with you, he should be home with her._

_“Go home Daryl,” you whispered._

_“Naw, Merle called. Told me what he did,” he stared at you with vivid blue eyes that saw more than most people realized. Daryl had a way of seeing into your soul and knowing exactly what was going on without needing to be told. He shook his head before roughly pulling you into an embrace, “Come on Gracie, ya don’t gotta be the strong one all the time.”_

_You stood there in the circle of his arms, your forearms pressed against his chest, your hands over your mouth, blinking rapidly and staring at the cloth covering his shoulder before you finally sobbed into the sleeve of his t-shirt. He and Merle were so much alike, but so different at the same time. They weren’t openly affectionate men, nor were they the kind to express their emotions, except with you, Carol, and Sophia. The three of you were the exceptions and you felt so very lucky to be so._

_After a few minutes of crying you finally pulled back out of his embrace. “I’m sorry Daryl,” you told him on a sniff and wiped your nose on the inside of your sweatshirt._

_He gave you a goofy grin and you rolled your eyes._

_“Don’t you dare tell Carol or Merle you saw me do that,” you laughed and hiccupped at the end of a sob._

_“Come on,” he grabbed your hand and walked you down the path skirting the forest next to the trailer park you both lived in._

_There was a small playground to the side of the path and when you reached it he put his hand to the small of your back and steered you to the swings where he made you sit down in one. Wrapping your arms around the chains of the swing you stared down at the toes of your tennis shoes and Daryl moved around to stand behind you and push you in the swing making you smile._

_“What’re ya gonna do Gracie?” He asked. His voice was gruff and full of emotion, you knew he thought Merle was better for having you in his life and Daryl didn’t want to lose any of his family._

_Taking a deep breath you lifted your feet and threw your momentum forward when Daryl pushed you again, “I’m going to sit on this swing and make Merle worry a little longer. Then I’m going to go home and drink all of the beer in the fridge, pass out on the couch, and talk to Merle tomorrow morning. Or…well later this morning anyway.”_

_“Y’ain’t gonna leave him?” Daryl stopped pushing you and moved to stand at your side out of the way of you swinging but where he could see you as you talked._

_Sighing again you shook your head, “No Daryl, I’m not. I knew going into this relationship that Merle was deeply flawed, and I accepted that and fell in love with him anyway. Leaving him ultimately would hurt more than his cheating on me does right now. I have to give this relationship a chance to grow even if it means I get run over a few times along the way. “_

Snapping fingers in front of your eyes brought you back into the present, and you refocused your eyes on Maggie to realize you had flashed back to the first time Merle cheated on you.

“You alright Grace?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah, sorry Maggie. I was just thinking,” you told her and chewed on your lip.

“About?” She narrowed her eyes at you.

“Why I stayed with Merle after he cheated the first time,” you explained on a sigh.

“Why did you?”

You put your elbows on the table in front of you and leaned forward slightly, “Because despite the mistake he made he came to me first. He was honest with me and owned up to his mistake. Merle didn’t run away, he didn’t make excuses, he didn’t try to hide what he did.”

“Okay, I get that. The first time,” she was hedging, she never pushed or made you feel bad for your decisions. Maggie had been one of the few friends who had supported your decision to stay with Merle, but that didn’t mean she understood why you stayed.

“Because Maggie, when I met Merle Dixon time stopped and my soul felt whole,” you told her seriously.

She smiled and pulled the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth, “Yeah. I understand that. That’s how I feel with Glen.”

“Come on, finish your lunch. I want to check out that new boutique,” you waved at her plate.

Maggie grinned wickedly, “You just want to get some trashy lingerie for Merle.”

You shrugged and stuck a fry in your mouth, “Maybe.”

A few hours later you walked into the front door of your house and were met with near complete silence. Merle wasn’t there but you could here the tinny sounds of music coming from the garage. Setting your bag from the boutique down on the couch you walked through the back door and out to the side door leading into the garage. There was an SUV you didn’t recognize out there and Merle’s legs bent at the knees, sticking out from under it.

“God damn it, yer tight. Come on baby, loosen up fer me. Let me in there.”

Grinning, you sat down on a milk crate in front of where Merle was.

“That’s it baby, just a little more now. Gotta get all the way up in ya.”

You raised an eyebrow at his words. Sometimes he talked to the cars or motorcycles he worked on like they were a woman he was having sex with or seducing. It was erotic as hell and every time you heard him it just made you want him to rip your clothes off, throw you on the hood of the car, and fuck you hard.

“How ‘bout a little lube? That get ya good and wet and it’ll make it easier to take my…” Merle rolled out from under the SUV on his creeper and caught you listening to him. Throwing you a sexy grin he sat up and rested his forearms over his knees. “How long ya been here Angel?”

“Just a few minutes,” you smirked at him.

“That right?” His tongue rested on the corner of his top lip making your pussy tingle as you thought of what that tongue was capable of.

“Yeah. Just got back from lunch with Lori and Maggie, and shopping with Maggie,” you told him as you slipped your wedge off your foot and stretched your leg out to rest your toes on one of Merle’s knees.

He grinned down at your metallic orange painted toes and took your foot by the ankle to lift it to his lips and kiss the top of it. “Lori didn’t want to do that women shit?” Merle was such a clash of sweet and crass and strangely you found it endearing.

Shaking your head you curled your toes over his knee and made to pull him toward you which effectively positioned him between your legs and shifted your skirt further up your thighs. “She didn’t like something I said so she left in the middle of lunch.”

Merle raised an eyebrow at you, you weren’t known for words harsh enough to run someone off. “She did huh? What’d ya say?”

Sighing you slipped the other wedge off and put that foot on his other knee which basically raised your knees in the air and exposed your panties to his eyes. Merle reached up to the counter above him and grabbed a bottle of the hand sanitizer you kept in the garage, squeezed a good-sized dollop into his hands, rubbed them together, and used the rag he pulled from his back pocket to wipe them off. His hand reached out to the underside of your thigh and ran lightly up and down it sending little tingling sensations up and down your leg.

“Well…” You gasped when his hand moved up to where your thigh met your hip and tickled your skin there. “She was basically saying our marriage wouldn’t work because you’d keep cheating on me.” Merle blew out a puff of air and rolled his eyes as his fingers continued their feather light sweeps over your inner thigh. “I told her everyone knows about her and Shane and asked how she’d want Rick to react if he found out. She tried saying she wasn’t cheating on Rick and I told her the difference in what she was doing and what you used to do. Kinda said at least you’d never gotten another woman pregnant and she walked out.”

“Huh…” He was looking in your eyes and his hands moved up the sides of your hips to rest there while he appeared to be contemplating something.

“What Merle? What are you thinking?”

“Why exactly did ya stay Angel?” He asked, pulling himself even closer to you so that your legs were spread wide on either side of him. “I hurt’cha so many times, made ya cry more’n I ever wanna remember, fucked up so much shit.”

Smiling at him you lifted your hands to his face and kissed him lightly, “Because Merle, you’re my soulmate. I feel safe with you. You’re my soft place to land. My strength when I need to be weak. You make me happy, make me laugh, make me weak in the knees.” Shaking your head you ran your thumbs over his cheekbones, “No matter how much something you did pissed me off or hurt me, I knew that you loved me with all of your heart, and in the end we are meant to be.”

Merle pulled you all the way into him and wrapped you in those strong arms of his. You always felt safe in the circle of his arms, always felt protected and loved. Leaning back he brushed some of your hair from your face and kissed your ear, “I love ya Grace. I’d die fer ya if that’s what I had to do to keep ya safe in this shithole of a world. Ain’t no woman compare to ya, ain’t no woman better’n you are. I’m damn lucky that ya didn’t give up on my sorry ass even though ya should have more times’n I can count on my fingers’n toes.”

“I love you too Merle,” you told him breathily, he had been speaking right next to your ear so that his breath sent shivers down your spine with each word.

He stood up very suddenly with you in his arms and put you on the hood of the SUV he’d been working on. Your heart hammered in your chest as he pushed your skirt up around your hips and studied your panties for a second. His hand snaked out and grabbed a pair of what looked like wire snips and used them on each side of your panties before ripping the fabric away and tossing it on the floor of the garage. The wire snips were also tossed aside and he shouldered your legs before his mouth was suddenly on your pussy licking and kissing your already soaked lips. Your fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, his curls were starting to get long, and you threw your head back as his mouth worked it’s magic on you. His tongue flicked your clit making you moan and one long thick finger slid inside of your aching core making you clench around him and shiver.

“God Merle, I’m so close,” you said as his finger rubbed over your g spot making your legs flex against his back. “Please, I need you inside of me. Hard.”

That was all the encouragement he needed. He loved eating your pussy but when you asked him to fuck you hard it seemed to ignite something in him. Kissing the inside of your thigh he stood and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. When he pushed them down his hips you realized he wasn’t wearing his boxers and somehow that made you wetter than you already were. His hands gripped your ass hard and lifted you up to pull you to the end of the SUV’s hood. Hooking one of your legs over his arm he put the other hand at the small of your back to hold you in place and suddenly you were filled with his hard, thick cock. His thrust was so hard and fast that he bumped your cervix making you gasp. Merle leaned down over your still covered breast and bit down on your nipple, not enough to really hurt, but enough to send shocks of pleasure from your breast to your navel. You could feel tension building throughout your core as he rubbed your g spot and bumped your cervix with every hard thrust. His hot breath was on your chest as his tongue played with your nipple through your shirt and bra.

“God damn Angel, I’m gonna fuckin’ cum,” he growled.

You sucked in a breath when he thrust really hard and every time you felt tingling at your g spot and clit, “Harder Merle. God, fuck me harder.”

Throwing your head back as he gave you what you asked for you saw a thousand twinkling colored lights behind your eyes and felt your pussy clench down hard around his cock. “Oh God, yes. Merle!”

“Fuck…Grace.” Merle groaned as he came with you, he leaned his forehead between your breasts as your body milked him for every last little drop of cum he had.

When the spasms of your orgasm finally seemed to subside he kissed your sternum and lifted his head to rest his chin there. His blue eyes met yours and the look he gave you was serious. “I’m glad ya never gave up on me Gracie.”

Smiling you thread your fingers in his curls again, “So am I.”

Your legs were shaking from the intensity of your orgasm and Merle chuckled at you, “Got rubber legs again Angel?”

For some reason when he teased you about that, even after fifteen years, your face still flamed. You lifted your hands to your face and laughed, “Merle, stop teasing me.”

He blew a raspberry into your stomach making you laugh harder as he stood up straight, “Never gonna stop tryin’ to make ya smile Angel.”


	4. Threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Chapter does deal with sexual harassment and alludes to prior sexual assault.

Over the next month the news of your engagement to Merle spread along with the news of Andrea’s supposed pregnancy. She still hadn’t talked to Merle about a paternity test and you knew it was because as soon as she did her lie would be exposed. You weren’t really sure what her end game was. Andrea had tried for years to get Merle to leave you for her, she was the only repeat hookup, but he’d always made it clear to her that you were his world. He’d made it completely clear after he got clean that were it not for being drunk or high he never would have been with her in the first place and it was never happening again. A few months later she hooked up with creepy crawly Mayor Phil.

And that was another conundrum. They’d been together for at least ten months and he never struck you as the type of creep who could get over his girlfriend cheating on him. Which led you back to the question, what was Andrea’s end game? All you could come up with was creepy crawly Phil still held a grudge against Merle for outing his more sadistic tendencies and was encouraging his addict impressionable girlfriend. Merle had worked for Phil at one point along with Caesar Martinez as his security detail. At the time Merle worked for him he was on the town council a few years before being elected mayor.

Their antics would either die down or it was going to come to a head. You weren’t sure which but you were sure if it came to a head there would be plenty of drama to go along with it. That was probably one of the things that Merle loved about you the most. You weren’t prone to drama, in fact you very deliberately removed any drama queens from your life, it was something you simply didn’t have time or patience for. Andrea was a drama queen, so was Lori to a lesser degree. You’d never tolerated Andrea. You had been friends with Lori for a lot of years and there had been times where you went months to even a year without talking to her because of the drama. The two consistent friends in your life were Maggie and Carol. No drama.

So when you, Maggie, and Carol went into the city for you to start looking for wedding dresses you planned for a drama free day. It just wasn’t what you got.

All you knew going in was that you didn’t want big and floofy, you’d get lost in it. Carol picked out a few Audrey Hepburn elegant dresses for you to try on. They weren’t you. Maggie found some Anna Nicole Smith sex kitten dresses that also just weren’t you. When you finally tried on the one dress in the entire store that you were drawn to you realized it was perfect. It was a tea length ivory taffeta with a sweetheart neckline and wide gathered silk chiffon straps that started under your breasts and tied back around your neck and had a crystal buckle in the front. When you walked out to where Carol and Maggie sat you had tears in your eyes and their mouths dropped open slightly.

“Wow Grace, that’s perfect for you,” Maggie said enthusiastically.

You stepped up on the pedestal in front of the mirror and turned side to side and watched your petticoats swish around. Smiling you looked at Carol in the mirror. “Well? What do you think?”

She lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes and nodded her head, “Get it, that’s it.”

Looking back in the mirror you started to smile then rolled your eyes when you saw Andrea walking by on the sidewalk in front of the shop. Unfortunately she noticed you. Why the hell was she in the city? And then you saw creepy crawly Phil following next to her and Caesar along with them. All three of them walked into the store.

“There’s goes the fun,” Maggie grumbled under her breath so you could barely hear her.

“Don’t you just look pretty as a picture,” creepy crawly Phil said.

Taking a deep breath, you gave him a tight smile, “Hello Philip.”

He rounded on you, looking you up and down like he could see through your clothing and see all the secrets you were hiding under that dress. His eyes danced like he was thinking about more than what you might look like naked, and you saw his cock twitch in his pants. The bile rose in your throat as he eyed you, this man was a predator, not a leader. You’d never been around a man who made you as uncomfortable as he did and you’d worked in the lock down criminal psych ward for several years after nursing school. At that moment you were wishing for Merle’s strong steady presence because Philip was legitimately scaring you. If it weren’t for the fact that he was your town’s mayor you wouldn’t give him the time of day and would certainly lambast him for treating you like a piece of meat but you held your tongue. Carol stood up from her chair and moved a little closer to you but Caesar cut her off. Maggie stayed where she was. She never talked about it but something had happened a few years ago between her and your town’s infamous mayor who was trying to intimidate you.

“You really do look lovely,” he said and offered his hand as a pretense to help you down from the pedestal you stood on. When you took a step back from him he narrowed his eyes dangerously and sneered, “Do you really think you’ll actually wear that dress to marry Merle Dixon?”

Your heart was in your throat, beating hard. You were afraid of him. The fear was very real, and palpable. He seemed to feed off of it as his smile widened.

Andrea was standing to his other side and smiled at his words as she laid her hands over the small bump of her belly. She was definitely pregnant but you knew it absolutely wasn’t Merle’s. It was either some other man’s or it was creepy crawly Phil’s baby. “Yes Philip I do. What do the three of you want?”

He definitely wasn’t happy with your tone, “Well, we didn’t come into the city for this but it’s a good a time as any. You need to get Merle to admit paternity of Andrea’s baby.”

“Ha! Really? I need to get him to admit to fathering a child that’s not his?” You lost control of your tongue and he reached a hand out to wrap around your throat making your heart speed up so much you felt your chest start to ache.

“He’d be wise to do so, and you’d be wise to listen to me sweetheart,” he said and ran his thumb over your throat pressing in slightly making your eyes widen in fear.

When you tried to pull back away from him he tightened his grip enough to really scare you and make you gasp for air.

“Philip Blake! You let her go right now,” Carol’s stern voice sounded sharply next to you.

“Is everything okay?” The dress shop manager came over then and eyed creepy crawly Phil’s hand on your throat.

He let go and smiled at her, “No ma’am, just saying hello to our friends here.”

You caught your breath and looked gratefully to Carol, Maggie looked upset, and the manager looked angry as a disturbed hornet’s nest as she walked the three out of her shop. Carol grabbed your hand and you stepped down off the pedestal on shaking legs. Maggie jumped up and walked over to you as well.

“Are you alright?” Carol asked, concern evident in her tone.

All you could do was nod, you didn’t trust your voice right at that moment. The two of them put their arms around you and the three of you stood there hugging each other while you shook.

“That man is evil,” Maggie whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

When you looked in her troubled eyes you knew, somehow you knew, he’d harassed her. You didn’t know how but you could guess.

“How does Andrea stand him?” Carol asked, leaning her head on yours.

“She’s an addict. Attention, drugs, alcohol,” you whispered. “Come on. Now I feel like I need a shower and this isn’t as much fun as it was.”

“Yeah,” Maggie said. “I think I need to go home to Glen.”

 

When you got home you jumped right into the shower as hot as you could tolerate and started scrubbing. Granted creepy crawly Phil only touched your neck but you felt like you were covered in filth and couldn’t get the taste of bile out of the back of your throat. When the water ran cold you got out of the shower, used Merle’s towel from that morning to dry off, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and one of Merle’s t-shirts then went out to the kitchen. You grabbed a bag of peanut M&Ms from the freezer and plopped down on the couch where you turned the TV on to _Friends_ and curled up under the fleece blanket on the back of the couch. When Merle walked in an hour later you were halfway through the bag and had his shirt pulled up over your nose so you could smell him.

He looked at you with the bag of M&Ms, which you rarely ate, then looked at the TV, which was playing a show you only watched when you were upset. His blue eyes focused on his shirt over your nose for a minute while he assessed your mood. Putting his keys down on the side table by the door he walked over to you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Hey Angel, did you girls have fun today?”

Your heart warmed and you dropped his shirt from your face as he sat next to you and gathered you into his arms. Surrounded by the smell of him and his strength you felt yourself start to relax. Sighing you knew you needed to tell him what happened at the dress shop because Carol told Daryl everything and creepy crawly Phil putting his hands on you was definitely something he’d tell Merle.

“We had fun until Phil showed up with Andrea and Caesar,” you told him and felt his body stiffen next to you.

“What did good ole Phil want?” He asked, his voice tight and his hand lifting to run through your hair. A habit of his when he was trying to calm himself.

Sucking in a breath you debated between sugar-coating and telling him the blunt truth.

Merle shifted you both so you could look in each other’s eyes, a sign he knew about your internal dialogue. “May as well tell me Angel.”

“I know. That man just makes me feel disgusting, it’s like when he looks at me he’s seeing me without my clothes on,” you let a puff of air out and shook your head. “He scares me Merle, I mean actually scares me. All I wanted while he was there was for you to walk in the door so I could hide behind you.”

“That’s something I ain’t never heard you say,” he said quietly while studying your face. “He really scare you that bad?”

You could feel yourself shudder in Merle’s arms while you thought about the way you felt when the man had his hand around your throat, “Yes Merle, he really does.” Without thinking you lifted a hand and rubbed your neck where he’d dug his fingers in which drew Merle’s attention.

“What the fuck?” He growled, and you felt his muscles tense under you. “He put his hands on you?”

Biting your bottom lip you braced for his reaction, “He put his hand around my neck, hard enough I couldn’t breath.”

Merle jumped up from the couch then and started pacing, “Fuckin’ sleezy asshole.” He turned to look at you and pointed at your neck, “That’s shits why I stopped workin’ for him. I can’t abide by that shit. Man takin’ advantage of a woman like that. Ain’t right. I might be a lot of things but I ain’t puttin’ up with that shit.” Storming to the front door he grabbed his keys and started to open it.

“Merle! Wait!”

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned to look at you, his blue eyes furious, his face a storm of rage that was bound to cause disaster.

“I don’t need you storming out of here in a rage right now Merle. What I need is for you to sit back down here with me and make me feel safe,” you practically begged him, hating the way you sounded so vulnerable but you couldn’t help it. What happened had really scared you, it wasn’t a feeling you were used to, and you were getting more upset about the fact that you were upset. It wasn’t rational and suddenly you wanted to cry.

“Angel are you okay?” Merle walked back and gathered you into his arms again as he sat back down with you. He’d never seen you quite like this. Upset yes. Scared and unsure, never.

“No Merle, I guess I’m not. I’m not used to being scared, and not having you there with me just made the feeling ten times worse,” you told him and his arms tightened around you more as he pressed a kiss into your hair. “The way he looked at me, like he was imagining me naked, imagining more than that, I felt violated. Then when he actually put his hand around my neck…”

“It’s okay Angel, I’ve got ya,” Merle laid his cheek on top of your head as he spoke. “I ain’t gonna let him hurt ya.”

The two of you were quiet for some time while you sat in the comfort of Merle’s arms and you were finally able to center yourself.


	5. Temper

You didn't run into Andrea or her creepy boyfriend again over the next month but Caesar did come to the ER a few times trying to intimidate you. He'd tell the triage nurse he had some urgent issue, of course without giving his real name, and you'd come out to the waiting room to find him sneering at you. The hospital you worked for was in the city so his boss being Mayor of your little town held no sway with the police officers that worked security there. Once they realized he was just there to threaten you they walked him right off the property. Of course it wound up pissing creepy crawly Phil off even more that he wasn't getting to Merle through you. The man definitely got off on intimidating women to get to their men. He tried the same thing with Carol at the daycare she ran but with Daryl at the garage right next door that failed miserably.

By the time Andrea was five months pregnant with what she still claimed was Merle's child the paternity test still wasn't done. There were rumors running around town that Merle refused the test and was going to be a deadbeat father winding up like his and Daryl's old man. The fact that Merle's temper was starting to get the better of him wasn't helping and he was laying into anyone that brought it up. That of course led to more whispers that maybe he was taking his temper out on you which couldn't have been further from the truth. Sure, did he and Daryl get into a few scuffles, of course they did, but other than snarling a little bit Merle still never took his anger out on you. All you really had to do was remind him you were always behind him no matter what and the snarling stopped. It was strange how so very different he was with you. Not a different man. Just a different temperment. As much as he loved his brother, Carol, and his nieces he could be surly with them as well when he was in a foul mood. He said you calmed the demons that chased him and made him want to be a better man.

You were at work in the ER one afternon when Daryl texted you that you needed to leave work for the rest of the day and to meet him outside the ER. Fortunately, since taking over as Clinical Manager of the ER you weren't always needed for patient care and that day was strictly a management day so you could leave. When you let your charge nurse know you had a family emergency she gave you a sympathetic look. She was aware of what was going on with Andrea and had been supportive, though you believed she thought the baby was Merle's. Frankly you suspected if there had been any truth to that Andrea would have jumped to a paternity test in order to have some control over Merle. The fact that she wasn't spoke volumes in your opinion.

When you walked out to the parking lot you found Daryl sitting out front on his motorcycle. Between the cigarette, sunglasses, leather jacket, and perpetual scruff he was intimidating to look at. There was definitely a don't fuck with me look going on, especially when he was on his motorcycle, but underneath it all he was a sweetheart of a man. Merle was the same way but his exterior was much harder to get through and he tended to keep up the gruff demeanor with anyone else even when he got to know them.

He put his cigarette out on the bottom of his boot and stuck it in the pack inside his jacket when he saw you coming toward him. While he would probably never quit smoking he didn't do it when Carol, the kids, or you were around.

"What's going on Daryl?" You asked when you were standing next to the handlebars of his bike.

Daryl pulled his sunglasses off to look at you and rested the hand holding them on his thigh, "Rick picked Merle up 'bout an hour ago. Got him down at the lockup."

"What?!" You exclaimed, fear and frustration mixed in your tone, but you refused to jump to conclusions.

"Yeah, apparently Martinez caught him goin' into Tom's store for some parts. They got into it, and ended with them fightin' in the street. Rick picked them both up," he told you with a slight edge to his voice.

You took in a deep breath and looked up to the sky while resting your hands on your hips. Nothing was going to stop you from marrying Merle but damnit if the saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned didn't ring true right now. All of this because Andrea wouldn't give up on chasing after Merle. Still though, the end game wasn't clear. Creepy crawly Phil wanted something, but you couldn't figure out what. Merle must have something on him that he didn't even realize. Something big enough that it would ruin his chances at his gubernatorial run in a few years. All Merle would ever say was the man was sadistic and he didn't want you around him. His showing up at Merle's one-year sober party had been a not so surprising surprise considering neither he nor Andrea had been invited. They'd done it specifically with the purpose in mind of ruining the celebration which didn't work at all and that you knew spurred some of this. You were starting to think the dress shop had been a set up though.

"Y'alright Gracie?" Daryl's gruff voice made it through your thoughts.

"Yeah. Listen, I'm going to have to ride with you over there. Merle dropped me off this morning so he could tune up my car," you told him.

He put his sunglasses back on and handed you Carol’s helmet, it was white with hot pink scrollwork on it and had the words ‘Hot Mama’ written on the back in the same hot pink. You couldn’t help but laugh when you took it from him.

Daryl shrugged and grinned, “What? She is.”

Shaking your head you tightened the chin strap while he put on his own helmet and you climbed on the bike behind him. When you got to the station Rick met you outside. Climbing off of Daryl’s motorcycle you took off Carol's helmet and handed it to him then walked over to Rick who had his hands on his hips. Shane was hovering in the background. Another one you weren't all that fond of. You had the feeling he'd be more at home working alongside Caesar than he was working with Rick. Of course some of that might have to do with the fact that he was, in fact, banging Rick's wife and was also likely the real father of her baby.

"Hey Grace, how are you?" Rick asked in the tone he used when he was trying to sooth tense situations. It was a farce, Rick was another one you had some trouble trusting, he was quick to judge and quick to react rather than thinking things through. You liked him well enough, but he could be unnecessarily pig-headed and difficult to reason with.

"I'm not sure yet. Daryl told me Merle and Caesar got into it and you have them both in lock up?"

He nodded and waited for Daryl to approach before saying anything, once Daryl was next to you he waved you both inside. Shane smiled at you, not a sincere smile, but rather one full of contempt.

Turning your head you pressed closer into Daryl's side and he bent an ear down to you, "Why for the last several months do I feel like a mouse in a pit full of vipers wherever I go?"

"Cause you are Gracie," he told you honestly. Leave it to Daryl to never sugar coat a thing.

Rick led you to his office where you and Daryl sat in chairs in front of his desk. "So they're both back there saying the other one threw the first punch. We're trying to sort it out now, but Martinez is adamant he wants to press charges on Merle."

"What's Merle sayin' Rick?" Daryl asked sharply. You could tell he was highly irritated, his tone was tight and he looked wound up and ready to strike. Granted he knew Merle brought a lot on himself but he was just as protective of his brother as his brother was of him, sometimes more so because Merle wasn't as readily accepted.

"That Martinez hit him first and ran off the mouth about you after that," Rick said looking directly at you. "Sounds like Martinez is trying to say you've been sleeping with him to get back at Merle for getting Andrea pregnant."

Daryl rolled his eyes next to you and chuffed.

"You actually believe that Rick?" You turned narrowed eyes to his and raised an eyebrow while he considered.

Shrugging one shoulder he leaned forward over his folded hands on his desk slightly, "I wouldn't blame you. Merle's been cheating on you for years. He's pretty pissed about the whole thing. Been tossing his cell since he got here."

Shaking your head you smoothed the fabric of your scrub top down and chewed your lip for a second before responding. "You're an idiot Rick, and blind to what's right in front of you most times."

Daryl laid a hand on your arm, he knew about Lori and Shane and wasn't an advocate of getting in the middle of their shit. Especially when it would just look like you were trying to stir the pot and likely make things worse.

"I'm not blind Grace. I've seen what Merle's put you through the last fifteen years. Seen how he's treated you and hurt you," Rick pushed forward, totally missing the point of your words. "I'm going to ask the magistrate to give you a TPO when we release Merle. I don't want him going home after he's released and taking his anger out on you."

You stood up and leaned over the desk so you were inches from Rick's face, "You do that and I will go right to the magistrate myself and let him know I don't need the TPO and why and I will ask for it to be quashed. Have you ever seen me walking around town with bruises Rick? Has anyone ever called you to our house because we were fighting? Have you ever seen me with anything other than a smile on my face when I was with Merle? Have you ever seen him touch me in any way that couldn't be described as loving?"

Rick bristled and backed away from you a few feet and you sat back down. "Honestly? No. But I don't like sending him home with you knowing he went after Martinez the way he did."

One of Rick's deputies knocked on the door, "Sorry to interrupt Sheriff but there's a guy here that says he got the whole Dixon Martinez fight on his cell phone and Martinez instigated it."

Rick looked surprised and Daryl suppressed a smirk. Waving at you both to stay where you were Rick followed his Deputy away from his office. Leaning forward you bounced your head lightly on the end of Rick's desk and heard Daryl snicker next to you. Everyone had always assumed that because Merle had a nasty temper that he must take it out on you, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. Even in your most bitter of arguments he never took it out on you.

_Flashback to thirteen years ago, your first really bad fight..._

_You went to the bank to deposit your paycheck from the diner and when the teller told you that your account was overdrawn you didn't understand how that was possible. Then she told you the records showed Merle had drained the account yesterday and you had an overdraft charge for the electric bill check which was denied payment for insufficient funds. That meant your rent money was gone and rent, which was due in two days, was more than your one-week check could cover. You deposited your check and took out enough cash for food and gas for the next week. After the overdraft fee the rest would cover the electric bill when it was run back through plus leave a little bit in the account. You left the bank and got in your beat up old Toyota to head home. Thankfully you didn’t have class or clinicals that night so you had time to deal with Merle before you had to go to bed so you could be up early for class in the morning._

_When Merle didn't come home until 3a.m. the night before, roaring drunk and stoned out of his mind, you should have clued in. Fortunately, he wasn't driving but you had no idea how drunk or high the person was who had dropped him off. At least you knew you had a few days before you had to talk to your landlord and he was fairly understanding. If you could get him to give you a week extension on the due date of your rent you should have enough to cover it especially if Merle picked up a couple of mechanic jobs._

_The trailer was dark when you pulled up in front of it and when you walked in the front door you found Merle passed out on the couch. You loved him with all of your heart, you really did, but seeing him passed out surrounded by empty beer cans did something to you. Here you were worried about how to pay your rent and he was worried about his buzz. You were tired, starved, stressed, and suddenly absolutely furious. How were you the responsible one at twenty-two when he was thirty-seven and should have known better?_

_“Merle!”_

_He bolted up from where he was laying back on the couch. His wife beater was dirty and his jeans were hanging open to show his red boxer shorts. His hair was sticking up everywhere and his beautiful blue eyes were bleary and blood shot. “What?” It took him a minute to bring his eyes into focus and look at you, “Baby? What’re you doin’ home?”_

_You stood there a few seconds with your mouth dropped open shaking your head, “I’m off tonight. Remember? We were going to have dinner and watch a movie.” You looked over to the kitchen where the sink was full of more beer cans and dirty dishes. He must have had a beer binge yesterday with his friends while you were in school too, you had been so tired when you got home after clinicals the night before that you went straight to bed without even looking in the kitchen._

_“Sounds good baby. Wanna order a pizza?” He was still slurring his words and was obviously still drunk._

_“We don’t have the money to order a pizza. I have to clean the kitchen before I can make dinner,” you explained in as calm of a tone as you could._

_“Wha’dya mean, we don’ got money?” He stood up and stumbled your way. “We got money in the bank.” Merle barely made it to the refrigerator and when he did he opened it to look for more beer, “An’ you jus’ got paid t’day. Where’s all my beer?”_

_He looked up at you with a baffled expression as you picked up beer cans out of the sink and pulled the trash can over so you could toss the cans into it. Merle just stood there and watched as you picked up each can and threw them away._

_“You drink all that?” Merle lifted his hand to the top of his head and scratched at his errant curls._

_“No Merle, I’m pretty sure you had your friends over while I was in clinicals last night,” you told him. You were so angry you were shaking but you knew trying to talk to him while he was still drunk wouldn’t get you anywhere so you held your tongue._

_“You sayin’ I can’t have a party ever now an’ then baby?” He slurred and stumbled into the counter._

_“No Merle, go lay back down. Dinner will be ready in a little bit,” you shook your head with a sigh as you pulled more beer cans out of the sink._

_His bloodshot eyes just watched you and finally without another word he went back to the couch and laid back down. A few hours later when he woke up you had the kitchen clean and dinner in the oven, you were turning leftovers into casserole since you hadn’t defrosted anything. The plan had originally been to order a pizza and watch a movie like he’d suggested. He sat up and belched while he scratched at an armpit and looked over at you._

_“What the hell are you doing?” He snarled._

_Raising an eyebrow from where you sat in the recliner doing homework you spared him a quick glance then looked back down at your notes, “I’m doing my homework Merle.”_

_“Thought we were ordering pizza and watching a movie tonight?” His voice was more of a snarl._

_“We don’t have the money for pizza, and you were passed out drunk,” you replied calmly._

_“What the fuck you mean don’t have money? Where’s all the money in the bank?” Yelled in an incredulous tone._

_Closing your textbook, you sighed and looked up at him, “You made a withdrawal yesterday. Everything we had. Our account was overdrawn the seventeen-dollar overdraft fee because the check for the electric bill bounced for insufficient funds. I deposited my paycheck and took enough cash for groceries and gas for the week. There’s enough left to cover the electric bill when the check goes through again and a little extra, but…” Your tone was acidic and you made sure to look him right in the eyes when you said the next part, “Our rent is due in two days and I don’t know how we’re going to pay it.”_

_He’d been quiet while you spoke but his eyes narrowed more and more until he looked absolutely livid, and he practically roared at you, “You blaming me for this shit Princess?”_

_“I didn’t take everything we had for a party Merle,” you snapped back._

_“Fuck if I did either! God damnit!” He got up and started pacing around the trailer kicking things over._

_Honestly you probably should have been afraid of him as worked up as he was, but you weren’t. He wasn’t going to hurt you and he knew if he ever laid a hand on you it would be the last he’d ever see you. “Damnit Merle! There’s only two of us on that account and the teller showed me the withdrawal slip. That was our rent money! What were you thinking?” You shouted at him but the last few words came out in a strangled cry._

_“Fuck! I was thinking I wanted to party and my god damn woman wouldn’t give me shit for it!” He lifted the end of the couch furthest away from your recliner and dropped it back down with a loud bang._

_“Jesus Merle, I know you like your beer and your drugs, and I love you no matter what. But we have responsibilities to each other first and foremost!” Screaming wasn’t getting you anywhere but you were mad as hell right then._

_Something about what you said made him snap, he did the couch thing again and stomped back to the bedroom where you could hear him rummaging and stomping around some more. Shaking your head you got up to take the casserole out of the oven when the timer went off. You could hear him cursing and slamming things in the bedroom and you just hoped you didn’t have too big of a mess to clean up when he was done. He stomped back out to where you were in the kitchen and stood with his hands braced between the doorway and the counter._

_“Where the fuck is my weed and my whiskey?”_

_You clenched your teeth so hard your jaw ached and you stared him down with as menacing a glare as he was leveling at you, “I. DON’T. FUCKING. KNOW!!!!!”_

_“Princess I ain’t in the mood fer this, I want my weed and whiskey,” he snarled at you._

_You slammed your hand down on the counter top with each word, “I. DON’T. FUCKING. KNOW. WHERE. YOUR. WEED. OR. WHISKEY. IS!!!!” Turning back to the oven you put your oven mitts on and pulled the casserole out to set it on top of the stove then turned back to him and snarled through clenched teeth. “There’s never been a reason for you to hide it from me because I’m not going to take it and you god damn well know that.” Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and counted to ten, then opened them and looked in his eyes and told him with absolute calm and sincerity, “I love you Merle Dixon. No matter what. I love you and I support and stand behind you. But I need you to do the same for me.”_

_He was biting his bottom lip and nodding absently while he looked at you and suddenly he didn’t look angry anymore. Merle looked disappointed. In himself._

“Where’d you go Gracie?” Daryl was asking from his chair beside you.

Smiling you shook your head at him, “Just thinking back to the first really bad fight Merle and I had.”

He raised an eyebrow at you just as Rick walked back into his office. “Well, looks like Merle was just defending himself. Caesar definitely started the physical altercation. He egged Merle on pretty good before he took the first swing though. I’m amazed Merle held his temper the way he did, I don’t think I could have held mine if he’d said those things to me about Lori. Guess I understand why he’s been taking it out on his cell now.”

You and Daryl exchanged a look, then you turned back to Rick. “So are you releasing Merle then?”

“Yeah, he’s free to go. We’ll be charging Caesar with assault and battery, but you need to get whatever this is between Merle and Andrea settled. That’s at the heart of it all,” he said.

Shaking your head you shrug slightly, “We’re trying to figure out the end game Rick. Something else is going on and they’re using this pregnancy to fuel it. I don’t care what any of y’all think. That baby isn’t Merle’s.”

Rick just gave you a sympathetic look, “Merle’s truck is in the lot behind the station. They’ll give him his keys when they let him out of lockup.”

“Thanks Rick,” you sighed and you and Daryl walked out front to wait for Merle.

When he finally walked out fifteen minutes later you took one look at him and jumped up into his arms, making him stumble back a step. You threw your arms around him and kissed him wantonly. You wanted to make sure everyone around saw that he, Merle Dixon, had your heart and body, not anybody else.

“Damn Angel, maybe I need to get arrested more often if that’s the kind of greeting I get,” he grinned at you and stuck his tongue in his cheek.

Dropping your feet back to the ground you smiled back at him, “Just making sure everyone around here knows who I belong to.”

“Jesus Angel you ain’t my property,” he mumbled.

“No, I’m not. But I always have been and always will be yours,” you whispered in his ear.

“You two lovebirds gonna get your truck so I can go home to my wife and daughters?” Daryl asked with a wry grin.

“Yeah, yeah, little brother. Thanks for bringing her up here,” Merle grabbed Daryl’s hand and pulled him in for a hug.

“No problem. Glad you held your temper with Martinez and let him take the first swing,” Daryl told him.

Merle raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, “Me too.”


	6. His

After everything Phil and Andrea had done since she announced her pregnancy you felt sure they wouldn't have any qualms about crashing your wedding which was in just a few months. It's wasn't like it was going to be big but your town was small and everyone would find out when it was thanks to the small town grapevine. Hershel was going to marry you on his family farm, and your parents were going to host a reception at the local fire hall so you could keep it alcohol free. Merle told you he would go anywhere you wanted for your honeymoon but the truth was you just wanted a few days to be alone with him somewhere the drama couldn't reach you.

The more you thought about it the more you thought one way or the other Andrea and Phil would find a way to show up and fuck it all up. With that in mind you decided to remove the potential for them to ruin your wedding day. There was still going to be a wedding and a reception for your family and friends to attend, but you were going to have a ceremony that was just for you and Merle. You were tired of the drama, so you were eloping. Now.

After researching requirements for marriage licenses, waiting periods, witnesses, blood tests, etc. you booked a room for a few nights in a bed and breakfast a few cities over that was about an hour away. For your official honeymoon you were spending a week in a mountain cabin. This though? You really just wanted someplace drama free that you could have a wonderful memory of getting married and spending a few days with your new husband. Fortunately, you were already scheduled off work for the days you'd be gone plus the day after you got back so there wouldn't be any questions from work. While Merle didn't run a formal garage most of the work he took in he finished up on a daily basis. Some jobs took longer but you didn't think he had anything holding over except a motorcycle that the owner was coming back for the next week.

Closing your laptop you stood up and walked out of the sliding door to the backyard and over to the side door leading into the garage. You could hear the tinny sounds of music coming from inside and the clanking of tools being tossed back onto Merle's tool cabinet. Opening the side door and walking into the garage you paused just inside and looked over at where Merle was. Watching as he crouched down to pick up some wrenches he had laying on a towel next to the motorcycle he'd been working on you admired the way his jeans hugged his ass. You could feel your clit start to tingle while you watched the muscles of his back ripple and shift under his black t-shift with his movements.

Shaking your head quickly to clear the lusty fog from your brain you cleared you throat.

"Was wonderin' when you were gonna say somethin' Angel," Merle said on a chuckle and turned to face you as he stood up with several wrenches in his hand which he tossed onto his tool cabinet.

You gave him a bemused look and leaned onto the counter next to you while he stood there watching you with that intent blue gaze of his. “You knew I was standing here?”

"I always know when yer around me, it's like opposite ends of a magnet attractin' each other," he told you with a shrug and tossed his rag on top of his tools before snatching your hand to pull you into his broad chest.

Putting your arms around his neck you kissed him while he settled his hands at your waist and smiled into your kiss. “What do you think about going away for a few days? Just us?”

“Will there be a bed wherever we’re goin’?” His hand slipped to your ass and he caught your bottom lip between his teeth.

“Mmmmmm…” You hummed then giggled when his fingers found the ticklish spot on your side. “Of course. But you have to stop!!!” He kept tickling you while you squealed and tried to get away from him.

He finally let you go with a smack to your ass which made you squeal again. “Angel, you know I’ll go wherever you want to lead me.” Pausing for a second he raised a finger and touched it to your nose, “Well, most anywhere.”

“What do you think of us going away tonight for a few days to elope?”

One eyebrow shot up to his hairline and he held you out at arm’s length while he looked you up and down.

Giggling you shook your head at him, “Merle stop. I’m fine. I don’t actually need a wedding, but I want to celebrate with our friends and family. We’re still having the wedding. But to be honest right now Andrea and Phil seem to have a knack for…”

“Fucking shit up?” Merle interrupted with a frown and shake of his head as he went back to picking up tools making your eyes follow his ass around again.

Shaking your head again you refocused on what you were talking about, “Well yeah. I just want to get married and know we have that memory without any drama. If we’re already married and one of them comes before or during the ceremony to fuck shit up it will be irritating as hell but won’t actually ruin it.”

Merle’s blue eyes focused intently on you while he tossed the last of his tools onto the pile at the top of his cabinet. You could see he was thinking about your words. Finally he stepped toward you again, kissed your forehead, and nodded with a wide smile, “Alright, let’s go make you Mrs. Dixon.”

Jumping up and down you held your hands together and pressed them up into your mouth to try to contain your excitement. When you looked back up at him the look on his face took your breath away. He really did look at you like you were the sun, the moon, and the stars to him. Throwing your arms around his neck again you couldn’t help but cry a few happy tears while he held you in the circle of his strong arms.

Merle closed up the garage then followed you inside to pack his duffle bag. He probably didn’t think you noticed but he packed his only pair of dress slacks which were black, along with a dark blue button-down shirt that made his eyes even bluer than normal. A pair of shiny black motorcycle boots were his concession to dress shoes. You already had a new ivory lace sundress to wear and had made a small bouquet of red and white silk cala lilies that you put in the bottom of the dress bag with a pair of strappy red heels that had rhinestones on the straps. Merle was quiet while you loaded the car with your bags, for the entire trip to the bed and breakfast, and during dinner on the deck outside the B&B overlooking the lake there. When you made your way up to your room he sat down on the end of the bed with his knees spread and his eyes on his hands folded between them.

He looked unsure of himself and you hated that he ever felt that way. You took your sandals off and put them next to your bag then moved over to where he sat and kneeled down in front of him between his knees. Grasping his hands in both of yours and resting your elbows on his knees you looked up into his troubled blue eyes.

“What’s wrong Merle? Do you not want to marry me?” You asked quietly.

Shifting his hands so he was holding yours he shook his head, “It’s not that Angel, of course I want to marry you.”

“Then what is it?”

Lifting his hand he cupped your cheek and smiled at you, “Never thought you’d stick with me long enough to do this. Guess with the Phil and Andrea shit show since I asked ya I’ve been thinking a lot about all the shit I done wrong over the years.”

You pushed yourself up on your knees so you were face to face with him and put your hands on either side of his face. When his blue eyes met yours you smiled at him, “Merle, I knew the day I met you that our relationship would be a roller coater ride but I got on that ride anyway. It’s had it’s ups and downs, times when I thought I’d made a huge mistake and times when I was never more grateful for taking a chance on you, but I’ve always known through the entire ride that you were right there with me and would catch me if I fell.”

He smiled at you then, that wide rare sincere smile that came from his heart and touched his eyes and your heart started to beat a little faster as he looked at you. “You remember when we first met?”

Laughing happily you nodded, “Yeah. I do.”

Merle bopped your nose, “When ya stood up to me like you didn’t have nothin’ to be afraid of I knew you were meant to be my woman.”

_Flashback to fifteen years ago and the meet not so cute…_

_You were walking to the diner where you worked part time when you weren’t in nursing school. For a twenty-year-old you were pretty drama free and extremely independent. Your parents had raised you to think for yourself and speak your mind but to also be kind-hearted and able to see both sides of every story. Just because someone looked rough didn’t mean they were beneath you. Just because someone had a drug or alcohol problem didn’t mean they didn’t have a good heart. Just because you disagreed with someone else’s opinion didn’t mean their opinion wasn’t just as valid as yours. All in all you thought you were pretty lucky. While you hadn’t grown up with much you’d certainly grown up with the most important things and that was a good heart and level head._

_When you made your way by the Savage Sons club house one of the members was standing outside in dark jeans and a white wife beater with his cut over that. He had curly brown hair, a strong scruffy jaw, and a crooked nose that told you he’d been in at least a few fights. You could tell he was well built, his arms looked like he could easily lift you over his head if he had a mind to do so, and his stance was wide and intimidating. The man looked like sex on legs and all you could think was he could make you cum harder than you ever had. That was a dangerous thought since all he’d be interested in would be a one-night stand. Audibly huffing you reminded yourself that it had been six months since you broke up with your last boyfriend who had been a major disappointment in bed. A one-night stand wouldn’t really be a bad thing if your recent stock in batteries for your vibrator was any indication._

_“Got a problem there girlie?” The man said to you, he must have heard you._

_“No problem,” you said as you kept walking._

_“Sounds like ya got a stick up yer butt, and need a man to straighten ya out,” he continued._

_Sighing you just shook your head as you felt a rush of heat between your legs, even his voice was sinful._

_“Come on girlie, I can fuck ya good, eat yer pussy til you scream.”_

_When you turned to look at him he was rolling his tongue around demonstrating that he in fact appeared to know how to use it. Jesus, if he kept that up you were going to cum in your shorts without him even touching you. Taking a deep breath you pressed on in the direction of the diner._

_“Think you’re too good fer me Princess?” His voice was a low growl that time._

_That turned you right around and you walked directly up to him and stuck your finger into his very broad chest. Damn, he even smelled good, like leather and spice. He grinned and stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth as he looked down your halter top. “Not by a long shot. But you standing out here treating me like a piece of ass and trying to intimidate me isn’t winning you any pussy points.”_

_One of his eyebrows shot to his hairline and beautiful deep blue eyes raised to look in yours and time felt like it just stopped. Something snapped into place and you knew, somehow just knew, that as crass as he was being he was the man you were meant to spend your life with. Your breath hitched in your throat and your panties felt soaked._

_“Pussy points?” His gruff gravely voice broke through your thoughts._

_When you focused your eyes back on his he was still smiling but the tone of it changed. It actually reached his eyes and softened his harsh features. “Yeah. Reasons I might actually want to fuck you,” you told him in a breathy voice._

_The blue of his eyes deepened as he looked at your lips, “Kinda looks like ya might want ta fuck me right now.”_

_For some reason the erotic sound of his voice made you blush and you sucked in a breath as you stepped back from him and started to turn away, “Well I don’t fuck guys I don’t know. And you don’t look like the dating kind.” As you walked away you tried bring your raging hormones under control and knew when you got home that night your vibrator was going to work overtime._

_“I might be the datin’ kind for you baby,” he called after you. His voice was still gruff and gravely but held a note of sincerity to it._

_You stopped walking and turned to face him again. Hooking your thumbs in the belt loops of your shorts you quirked your lips like you were thinking hard about it. “Alright. Tomorrow night. The movie theater. Kill Bill at 8.”_

_“A’right.”_

Coming back into the present you grinned at Merle, “You just wanted in my pants.”

“Got in ‘em didn’t I?” He whispered against your ear as he leaned forward making your breath hitch.

Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth you just nodded as he ran his scruff lightly over your cheek and down your neck until his lips were in the sensitive spot where your neck met your shoulder. He started to nip your skin sending tingles down your spine right to your clit. His teeth continued their trail along your collar bone until he came to the hollow of your throat where he licked a trail up the center of your neck until his lips hovered over yours.

“Take yer panties off,” he told you in a firm voice.

Reaching your hands down to pull the skirt of your dress up over your hips you pushed your panties down and worked them off your legs. You were still kneeling between his spread knees and had to use his muscular thighs for balance. Holding them up for him to see he took them from you and held them up to his nose.

“I can smell ya, yer wet,” he said with a slow sexy grin, his voice was getting huskier and his accent more pronounced.

All you could do was nod very slightly and bite your lip again.

“Take off my belt.”

You did what he told you as he leaned back and then he told you to unzip his jeans. When you did you realized he was commando and his long, hard cock sprung up at you. His eyes were hooded as he looked down at you and he tangled one hand in your hair and pushed your head down to his cock.

“Suck on it,” he growled quietly.

Flicking your tongue out you ran it around his swollen head and palmed his shaft lightly before sucking him into your mouth. He hissed in a breath as you swirled your tongue around him and pumped your hand a few times making him moan softly. Lifting your eyes to watch him you saw his mouth was hanging open slightly and he was watching you. When he caught you looking at him he gave you a sexy open-mouthed grin and nudged his head down toward your hips.

“Use yer other hand and touch yerself,” he told you.

Reaching your hand down you found the wetness between your lips there and ran your finger through it. Your nipples puckered at the sensation and you felt your pussy quiver making you moan.

“Yeah baby, that’s what I like ta hear. I like that ya know how ta touch yerself,” he ground out as you ran your tongue along his shaft and over his cockhead then sucked it back in your mouth.

Knowing he liked to control your orgasm you avoided touching your clit because you knew that would set you off faster. He growled when your fingers cupped his balls and tickled underneath them while you pushed one finger inside your aching core which elicited another soft moan.

“Stand up,” he said suddenly.

You did and he pulled your skirt down your legs and off then worked your tunic over your head and made quick work of your bra leaving you standing in front of him completely naked. He was still fully clothed except for his cock standing at attention outside of his jeans. Grasping your hips tightly he dropped to his knees in front of you and bent his head to tongue your clit making you grasp his curls and grit your teeth to keep from moaning too loudly. His tongue worked your clit and between your lips while you watched. Your red painted toes looked bright on either side of his knees while he worked his tongue into your pussy and over your clit until your legs started to shake slightly and he sat back abruptly.

Turning wide eyes on him your chest heaved as you tried to keep from screaming out your frustration at the denied orgasm. This was a game he liked to play on occasion. Working you up until you were on the brink and then backing off. Wiping his chin off on the back of his hand he nudged his head in the direction of the bed and you climbed up into the middle of it while you watched him toe off his sneakers. He was taking his time in undressing so you opened your legs wide and reached one hand down to your pussy where you ran one finger inside yourself and back out to run it around your lips. Then you lifted that finger to show Merle and stuck it in your mouth to suck it clean.

He squinted his eyes shut as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and gritted his teeth, “Damn Angel, yer killin’ me.”

“Then get over here and fuck me Merle,” you said as you moved your hand like you were going to touch yourself again but he crawled up between your legs and put his tongue on you first.

Shouldering your legs he ran his tongue around your lips and over your clit like a man dying of thirst and you were his life giving source of water. You fisted your hands in the sheets and pushed yourself up off the bed to watch him. Before Merle you’d had boyfriends that had eaten you out before but never had one until Merle that actually enjoyed it the way he did or that made you cum from it. He loved everything about eating your pussy. The taste of you, the sounds you made, the way your body reacted. And once again, as soon as your legs started to shake he sat up.

“Merle Dixon!!”

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and grinned at you, “Don’t you worry Angel. Yer gonna cum. It’s just gonna be on my cock, and hard.”

You were breathing hard as you watched him take his jeans off and climb back up between your legs. He placed a kiss over the small thatch of hair you had above your pussy then ran his tongue up to your belly button and kissed your abdomen before kissing and nipping along the bottom of your ribcage. When he got to the valley between your breasts he licked a trail between them and tongued one nipple while he rolled the other between his thumb and forefinger. Your body was on absolute fire and your pussy ached for him to be inside of you. Tangling your hands in his hair while he worked your breasts you arched your back and moaned softly until he finally climbed over top of you and braced his weight on his forearms. His lips found yours and your tongues tangled together while he positioned himself to push inside of you making you moan louder.

“Gotta stay quiet Angel. This here’s a respectable establishment,” he whispered into your mouth as he pulled out slowly and thrust back into you hard.

“God Merle, I don’t think I can,” you gasped when he did it again.

“Lookit me,” he demanded.

Your eyes snapped to his burning blue gaze as he pressed his hand over your mouth and thrust hard again bumping your cervix making you moan into his hand. He grinned and thrust his hips harder and faster and you snapped your hips up to meet his. Your wide eyes held his while the sound of your hips snapping together and his cock sliding in and out of you drove you crazy and you practically screamed into his hand. He lifted off of you slightly and the cold air hitting your hardened nipples drove you wild. Merle’s hand made it’s way between you as he slowed his pace down a little and he started rubbing his thumb over your clit. You slapped your hand over his on your mouth and quickened the pace again while he made low grunting noises that drove you even wilder. Suddenly white light exploded behind your eyes and you felt your pussy clench down around Merle’s cock hard. Your abdomen spasmed almost painfully and your legs locked around his waist as you both lost complete control. You moaned his name long and loud into his hand and arched your back up off the bed.

“Damn Angel, I’m gonna cum,” he growled then threw his head back and gritted his teeth while he grunted and snapped his hips wildly. Watching him lose control like that did something to you. It was you that did that to him. You that made him grunt and moan like that and that alone was a huge turn on.

One last thrust slammed the head of his cock into your cervix and you felt your pussy continue to milk him for all the cum he had. He finally relaxed and dropped his weight back onto his forearms. Kissing between your breasts again he caught your eyes and smiled. “Yer the best damn thing that ever happened ta me Angel and I love ya.”

Sighing you smiled up at him, “I love you too Merle.”

He rolled off you to his side and pulled your leg up over his hip. You lay tangled with him, tucked under his chin, until you both drifted off to sleep.

 


	7. Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: This chapter does contain flashback to Merle’s overdose as well as sexual harassment.**

Over the few months between when you eloped with Merle and when your actual wedding was set to take place Lori had her baby, Rick found out about his wife's affair, Andrea still hadn't taken a paternity test, and creepy crawly Mayor Phil was trying his best to force Merle's hand. Maybe he thought Andrea having his baby (because you were convinced it was the Mayor's child) wouldn't be good for his gubernatorial run. You still weren't sure what was in it for him. He just didn't strike you as the type who'd want another man claiming his child. Or anything of his for that matter. You knew what Andrea wanted, something to tie Merle to her, because she'd been obsessed with him for more than a decade by that point.

The wedding was pure formality because unbeknownst to anyone else except Hershel you were already Mrs. Dixon. After your small quiet ceremony in front of the Justice of the Peace first thing in the morning after your first night in the bed and breakfast you went straight to the Social Security office to change your name then the Department of Motor Vehicles to update your drivers' license. Those two things were done out of town and everything else was waiting until after your formal ceremony. You knew if you changed your name at the hospital or anywhere in your little town before the wedding that someone would catch wind of it and family and friends would be upset. The two of you had to tell Hershel so he knew why he wasn't signing a formal marriage license. He understood and even made up a marriage certificate for you that he would sign after your wedding so if your parents wanted pictures it would look official.

Andrea was pushing her eighth month of pregnancy when your actual wedding day came around. Despite the fact that they weren't invited you were fully expecting Andrea and creepy crawly Phil to show up. That wasn't the only drama you were anticipating. Lori and Rick were estranged and she and the baby, Judith, were staying with Shane. Paternity tests hadn't been done there yet either. They had been invited to the wedding, though originally it had been Rick and Lori as a couple. Shane hadn't been invited. He wasn't your friend, neither was he Merle's, but you expected Lori would bring him anyway.

In the days leading up to the wedding you were feeling especially nervous and you just couldn't place why. The drama wasn't going to ruin anything important. Merle was already your husband but you'd been moody and nauseated anticipating all of the what ifs. You'd declined all of the normal night before the wedding traditions and parties choosing instead to have a quiet night with Merle at your own house since he’d also declined the same traditions and parties. He grilled chicken and pineapple along with skewered vegetables on the outdoor grille for dinner which you ate on paper plates sitting at the edge of the creek behind your house with your feet in the water. You leaned your head on your husband’s broad shoulder while you ate and enjoyed the time alone. When you were both done eating he took your plates and empty coke cans back in the house to the trash and cleaned up the grille and kitchen.

When he made his way back outside half an hour later he found you lying in the hammock where he'd asked you to marry him. Looking down at you he frowned as your eyes met his and you reached out your hand to thread your fingers with his. “Angel, what’s wrong?”

You smiled at him, “Nothing’s actually wrong Merle. I’m just excited and dreading tomorrow at the same time.”

Tucking his chin to his chest he pulled the corner of his bottom lip between his teeth then motioned you to move over and hold on while he climbed into the hammock with you. When he was settled you rolled toward him and laid your hand over his heart so you could feel the steady thump thump of his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly to him then kissed the top of your head. “Guess I can be pretty sure I’m not the reason yer dreadin’ tomorrow.”

You giggled, “You can be absolutely sure of that. You’re the reason I’m excited about tomorrow. It’s Andrea, Mayor Creepy, Lori, Rick, and Shane that are making me apprehensive about tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about tomorrow Angel. I asked some of my old MC to be there to keep everyone in line,” he told you quietly.

Lifting your head you looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Merle smiled and his blue eyes rolled dramatically, “If I didn’t think I could handle ‘em bein’ around I wouldn’t’ve asked any of them. You remember Duke?”

You nodded, you did. Merle had been the president of the Savage Sons and Duke was the vice president. He was a few years older than Merle but you had always liked him. Duke had a hard edge, like Merle, like all the Savage Sons, but he was a good man. Most of them were underneath the crass humor and gruff personalities.

“He’s my AA sponsor. Somehow even though alotta us were drinking and doing drugs, selling the shit, and whatever else Duke kept himself straight. He kept it real quiet, but he did. And he’s club president now,” Merle told you.

You had stayed out of his recovery, not because you didn’t want to be part of it, but because you knew he had to do it for himself and not you. Anytime he hit a milestone you were the first to celebrate with him, and if he felt like he was slipping you were the first to support him and encourage him to reach out. But you knew you couldn’t be the reason he did it and you had made sure he knew that too. It had to be for him and what he wanted otherwise it wouldn’t work. Even though you would have loved him even if he kept on drinking and using you didn’t want to go through the pain and heartbreak of another overdose.

_Flashback to a year and a half ago…_

_You had been promoted to Clinical Manager of the Emergency Department six months ago and were finally settled into your new role. The next step was Nurse Practioner and you had been taking a class a semester toward your doctorate but still had at least a year to go since you were only taking two classes a year after deciding to go back. Merle was supportive of anything you wanted to do, all he wanted was for you to be happy, but you didn’t want to give up any more time with him. Work already took enough of that since you tended to pick up one to two shifts a week in addition to the three twelve-hour shifts you were scheduled to work each week. The extra money from those pick-up shifts had allowed you to pay off your house already and expand the equipment Merle had in his garage. He still didn’t have a steady job but he was taking in as much mechanic work as he could and Daryl always sent him what he was better at or what his garage couldn’t handle._

_It had been a long twelve-hour shift and you were in the locker room changing into your street clothes to head home and spend some time with Merle when the door banged open. Your charge nurse, Rosita, stood there with a wild look in her eyes._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“They just brought Merle in by ambulance,” she said in as calm a tone as she could muster._

_You jumped up immediately and started toward the door, “What happened?”_

_“I’m not sure yet, I didn’t hear the medic unit radio it in. As soon as I saw Daryl he told me it was Merle,” Rosita hurried behind you as you rushed into the ER._

_When you saw Daryl he had his hand on top of his head laced through his hair and he was pacing back and forth outside of one of the trauma bays. His face was a mask of fear and near tears. He grabbed you and pulled you into him as soon as he saw you, tucking his nose into your hair and sobbing. That alone told you it was bad._

_“Daryl, you’re scaring me. What the hell happened?” Your voice broke._

_“I don’t know what he took Gracie, I just found him with the needle in his arm, barely breathing,” Daryl pulled back and looked at you. Tears were running down his face and his blue eyes were more scared than you’d ever seen them. You wondered where Carol was._

_“Wait. What’s wrong with Merle?” Nothing he’d said to you registered until you heard Dr. Darden yelling for a size 9 ET tube. You rushed into the room and there in front of you was Merle lying on the stretcher while everyone around him worked to save his life. His shirt had been cut open and the EKG monitor was attached to him showing a bradycardic heart rhythm of barely 30. His arms were down at his sides and one already had an IV in it while one of the nurses was attempting another one in his other arm. His head was tilted back and Dr. Darden had the laryngoscope in his mouth while he intubated him. “Oh God, please no.”_

_You started crying and screaming and someone, you had no idea who, gently pushed you back out of the room telling you that you weren’t going to help Merle by breaking down. That was something you’d said to so many families over the years, but you never thought you’d hear those words spoken to you. When you tried to go back into the room Daryl bodily picked you up around the waist and followed someone to the physician’s lounge where you’d have some privacy while you beat him in the back with your fists. While Daryl paced and alternated chewing on the sides of each thumb you tried to dart past him back out in to the ER. Finally, one of the nurses came in and gave you a sedative while Daryl held onto you. Merle was admitted to ICU on a ventilator that evening. Tests of the liquid left in the syringe he’d injected himself with came back to a combination of cocaine and heroin._

_You never left his side while was in ICU. Carol brought you clothes from home and you showered and changed in his room when she told you to. Either Daryl or Carol would bring you food and remind you to eat or threaten to force feed you. Friends and your parents visited. They all asked you to go home and get some rest in your own bed. You were too scared to leave. Afraid that the minute you left Merle would give up on life and slip away from you. Daryl had always said his brother was the toughest asshole he’d ever met and he was right. Three days after going on the ventilator he was taken off and breathing strongly on his own. But he wasn’t out of the woods yet. He was in a coma and there was no way to know if he’d ever wake up. Once the doctors said his system was cleared of the effects of the overdose they moved him to a room on the medical floor. You continued to stay by his side day and night. The Director of your department had told you to take off whatever time you needed, he was willing to cover your duties while Merle recovered. For that you were eternally grateful._

_Almost ten days after the near fatal overdose you had crawled up into the bed with Merle on the side away from his wires and IVs. Even if he couldn’t hold you, you needed to feel him next to you, and you wanted him to feel you next to him. It was the first day since it all started that you’d managed any real sleep. In fourteen years you’d grown so connected to him that sleeping without him next to you was near to impossible. You had your hand curled over his chest where you’d pulled his hospital gown down to touch his skin, and your head was tucked into his shoulder under his chin. Feeling a kiss to the top of your head you thought Daryl had come in to check on you both but when you looked up Daryl wasn’t in the room. Turning your head to Merle you found his blue eyes staring back at you._

_Merle saw the ugliest crying he probably would ever see from you. This wasn’t just sobbing. These were gut wrenching loud sobs that shook the bed and made your diaphragm spasm causing dry crying hiccups while you grasped fistfuls of his hospital gown. He put his free arm around you and held you to him as tightly as he could._

_When he spoke his voice was weak and hoarse, “Angel, I’m never gonna do that again. I don’t wanna leave this earth and leave you behind. I’m done with the booze and the drugs for good.”_

_You didn’t admonish him or tell him how scared you were. He knew. And you could tell he knew by the way he stared at you for weeks after he woke up. Throughout his ten-day nap as he called it you talked to him, read to him, told him your hopes and dreams for you both, begged him not to leave you, told him how very much you loved him. Maybe he heard you and that’s what motivated his promise to quit. You hoped he did it because it was what he genuinely wanted, but you never asked._

Returning your thoughts to the present you closed your eyes as you tucked your nose into Merle’s neck so you could breath in his scent and moved his shirt so you could lay your hand on his skin. His hand came up to lay over top of yours and you felt his lips in your hair again.

“Yer alright Angel. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, I gotcha,” he whispered to you. He knew what you were doing. Sometimes you just needed to remind yourself he was still with you. His scent and being able to touch his warm skin above his heart helped. You seriously doubted you’d ever get over nearly losing him.

“I know Merle,” you whispered. Once you settled your nerves and were reassured you lifted your head to look in his eyes. “If you think having some of the club there will keep the drama down that’s fine with me.”

Neither of you anticipated just exactly what kind of drama there would be.

 

Andrea and creepy crawly Phil did show up for the ceremony. She was hugely pregnant and definitely ready to deliver. While there were Savage Sons in attendance they’d been asked to intervene only if things got physical or descended into screaming matches. Despite your distaste for her, you didn’t want Andrea getting hurt or overly worked up, and you knew she would ramp up the drama on her own without anyone’s help. They chose the very beginning to interrupt when Hershel asked if anyone had any objections. You and Merle smirked at each other, knowing the objections of either one wouldn’t matter at the end of the day.

Phil stood up and gestured down to Andrea, “I object. The Groom impregnated this woman sitting here and won’t claim the child.”

Andrea nodded at everyone around her, “It’s true. Told me he wanted to spend his life with me and when he found out I was pregnant ran back to her.” She pointed a finger at you like you were the other woman in this case.

There were murmurs and whispers, plenty of people believed the baby was Merle’s, and you felt Merle’s hand tighten around your own. Before you could say anything though Hershel interceded.

Hershel rolled his eyes at them both, “Mayor Blake, that’s an issue for another time and isn’t appropriate here. Now, you’ve come onto my property uninvited to interrupt this wedding. If you both cannot respect the two people standing here then I’ll have no choice but to ask the Sheriff to have you both removed.”

Everyone looked to Rick who sat by himself in a back row and when he realized he was everyone’s focus he sat up and looked to the potential troublemakers, “He’s right Phil, if he asks I’ll have to escort you both off the property.”

Andrea huffed and turned in her seat to glare at you and the Mayor turned red and looked angry. That wasn’t going to be good later. Fortunately, with the exception of their interruption the wedding itself went smoothly after that. Unfortunately, the two of them wedeled their way into the reception as well. You could have asked Merle’s old MC buddies to remove them, you considered it, but the truth was you wanted everyone to see them for what they were. In the long run you also knew it would be less likely to come back and bite you in the ass if you just let them have their drama.

The only way you might have gotten away with a completely drama free wedding and reception would have been if you had a destination wedding somewhere far away. While you were finally financially stable you certainly couldn’t have afforded that when you already had other plans for some of the money you’d been able to put away since paying off your house. That was a surprise for Merle for your honeymoon and you were looking forward to it.

When you walked into the Fire Hall for your reception and were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Merle Dixon, everyone except two people, cheered and clapped for you. The DJ started playing the song for your first dance and it brought tears to your eyes. From the day you met him yours and Merle’s song had been _I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing_ by _Aerosmith_. It had always had meaning for you both but even more so in the last year and a half. Merle smiled at you with a twinkle in his blue eyes and held his hand out to you. When you placed your hand in his he spun you into his arms and held you close with one hand laid over his heart while his hand covered yours and his other hand possessively placed in the small of your back.

“We did it Angel,” he grinned down at you. “Yer still sure all this crazy drama of being a Dixon is what ya want?”

Smiling up at your husband as he expertly led you around the small area set aside for dancing you nodded, “No. Regrets.”

You could see people watching you open mouthed while you danced. No, Merle didn’t look like the dancing kind. It wasn’t something he did often, but he was in fact an excellent dancer. That was another thing about him that you loved. When he put his mind to something Merle excelled at it. It might not always be his favorite thing, but if he knew it was important somehow or important to you for some reason he made the effort. Dancing might not have seemed to be an important thing but he’d learned early on in your relationship that when you were upset something as simple as dancing with you in your living room to the sound of his humming brought you more comfort than most anything he tried. So he kept it up and learned how to do it well. For you. Because he loved you and he wanted to make you happy in any little way he could.

You made it all the way through the buffet and toasts before any more drama started while everyone was mingling and dancing. Merle was off dancing with your mother and you were dancing with some obscure cousin your parents had invited to the reception. There were a lot more people at the reception than the wedding which you’d kept deliberately small but since your parents had hosted the reception you and Merle let them be in charge of the guest list. The only thing you both asked was that anyone who was at the wedding be invited to the reception. Someone pushed your cousin out of the way and before you could turn creepy crawly Phil had his hand on your waist and your hand in his. You tried pulling back out of his grasp but he held your hand tightly and gripped your waist so you placed your hand flat on his chest and pushed back away from him as far as you could. It gave you a few inches of space between your bodies at least but you were shaking in fear.

“Well, well, well. Mrs. Dixon now. What are you going to do when Merle’s child is born?” He asked with a sickening smile, “Raise it as your own? Even Rick Grimes couldn’t do that.”

It was obvious your fear was fueling him. When he pressed his lower body into you his arousal was too obvious. “That baby is not Merle’s and you know it. Why are you trying to pass your child off as his?” You growled at him, trying everything you could to push yourself away from the disgusting feel of him.

His face registered surprise and anger and his fingers moved from your lower back to dig into your ass as he pulled you forcefully into him pushing the length of his erection into your belly. “Sweetheart, you’re treading dangerous ground here…”

Someone cleared their throat next to you and creepy crawly Phil turned with that smarmy smile on his face. Merle was standing next to you, blue eyes hard and murderous as they glared at the man holding you captive who stepped back with his hands up in a placating motion. Your husband swept his arm in front of you to nudge you behind him as two of the Savage Sons flanked the Mayor to keep him from moving forward. You took a few deep breaths and felt someone else move up next to you. Jumping you turned and realized it was Daryl who also shuffled you behind him, then stood next to his brother. Rick also came to stand on Merle’s other side.

“Merle, I was just saying congratulations to your wife here,” your creepy Mayor tried.

“Don’t look like all you was doing to my wife Phil,” Merle told him, his tone dangerous.

Rick turned to look at you, “Was he harassing you?”

Nodding you took a deep breath and stood tall in front of Rick despite the overwhelming fear still swirling through you, “He was threatening and touching me.”

You heard Merle growl in front of you and both Daryl and Rick snapped their hands on each of his forearms before he could lay into the man.

“Philip Blake I’m…” Rick didn’t have a chance to finish because Andrea cried out then causing everyone to turn to her.

She was standing about ten feet away in a small puddle of fluid with her hands pressed into her belly. You rolled your eyes. Of course, she’d fucking pick your wedding reception to go into labor. Surprisingly, the actual father of her child stepped around the men surrounding him and went to her side. Looking up at Merle he gave him a look of pure hatred, “I expect your signature to be on this baby’s birth certificate.” He helped her walk out of the Fire Hall and someone went in search of a mop and bucket.

Merle turned to you and on seeing your face he took your hand and walked you out of the main hall to a room off to the side. He knew how you felt about breaking down in front of other people and you definitely needed a minute alone with him to recompose yourself. When you were alone he put his hands on each side of your face and looked in your eyes which you knew were watery as you tried to blink the tears away. Lifting your hands to his you looked into his troubled blue eyes.

“Did he hurt you?” He used his thumbs to brush away the tears.

“I don’t think so, I might have impressions of his fingers in my ass where he dug them in,” you were still shaking and were feeling cold, like something had sapped all the heat from your body.

You’d said it to Merle before but you weren’t used to genuinely being afraid of another person. Apprehensive yes, but true gut wrenching fear that made you feel completely vulnerable no, and you didn’t like it one bit. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with Merle, the man you loved and trusted unconditionally was one thing, but the kind of vulnerability you were feeling in that moment was completely different. Seeing that you were struggling Merle took your hand and laid it inside his jacket over his heart with his hand over yours and pulled you in close to him so you were engulfed in his heat and strength. His chin rested on top of your head and you pressed your nose into his neck where you could smell his scent. He’d left some scruff in place at your request and it’s prickly sensation on your skin kept you in the present.

“I got ya Angel. I’m sorry I didn’t get to ya sooner,” he whispered to you, obvious pain in his voice.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Merle. You stepped in as soon as you saw there was an issue,” you whispered back.

He was rocking you back and forth where you stood, trying to soothe you, and it was working. Between that, his scent, feeling surrounded by him, and his heartbeat under your hand you were finally feeling okay again. After telling him exactly what creepy crawly Phil had done and said he swore under his breath for a minute then held you tighter in his arms.

“I hate ta say this Angel but we gotta tell Rick everything,” Merle finally said to you when he let go of you and stood looking in your eyes with his hands on your arms.

“I know. I’m okay now. I just needed some time to…” you waved your hand in the air trying to find the right word.

“Feel safe again?”

Sighing deeply you nodded, “Yeah.”

Walking back out into the hall you both found Rick talking to Shane, calmly, and walked over to him.

“Officer Friendly,” Merle smirked when Rick turned to him.

Rick grinned and shook his head, “Merle.”

They’d gotten past the animosity they’d felt for each other at one time and held a grudging respect for each other at this point. They might not be friends, but they could interact in a friendly manner with each other these days. Even despite how Rick reacted when Merle and Martinez had been arrested for their fight, Merle didn’t hold it against him, he actually appreciated that Rick was willing to stand up for you and try to protect you. Even though you hadn’t ever needed protection from Merle.

As you relayed what happened with the Mayor before Andrea’s water broke, as well as what happened when you were shopping for your wedding dress, Rick’s expression turned darker. He and Shane reassured you that you could proceed with your honeymoon as planned and they would handle formal statements and paperwork once you got back. An investigation would have to be conducted to determine if they could gain enough evidence for the County Prosecutor to even take the case against a minor government official, but they were going to move forward. You also suggested they talk to Maggie but wouldn’t explain why other than to say you suspected some interaction between them when Maggie had worked in the county offices.

Finally, finally, the drama died down and you were able to enjoy what was left of your reception until you had to go home to change and get on the road for your mountain retreat. An entire week in the mountains with Merle and no one else around and you had a few surprises for your husband. It was a week you were very much looking forward to, and you both very much needed.


	8. Peace

The drive to the mountain cabin went surprisingly fast for three hours. Merle already had the truck packed and ready to go so all you had to do when you got home was change. He smiled and tapped his hand on the steering wheel while you sang along to the songs on the radio and danced in your seat. If it weren’t for the dark and unfamiliar winding roads you would have laid across the seat and taken him into your mouth while he drove. Instead you took his right hand and led it to your already wet pussy where he fingered your clit while you finger fucked yourself until you threw your head back and your moans filled the cab of the truck. To his credit, Merle kept the truck on the road, but hearing your moans of pleasure obviously drove him crazy and he grabbed the hand whose finger you’d used to fuck yourself with and stuck it in his mouth.

“Sweetest thing I ever tasted, your pussy,” he told you when he let you have your hand back.

You sat next to him, chest heaving, and pussy not quite satisfied even though he’d had a…finger…in your orgasm. “Don’t say things like that right now Merle. I’ll have you pulling this truck off the side of a mountain road to fuck me.”

The amused tone of his laughter floated to your ears in the darkness, “As good as that sounds right now Angel, we’re almost there. If this damn GPS shit is right it should be on our right side another mile up.”

When you got to the cabin it was dark so you couldn’t really enjoy the beauty of the outside yet or the surprise you had waiting for him. That could wait for tomorrow though. You helped Merle carry your cooler of food and drinks inside where you put everything away in the refrigerator while he went back and carried everything else in. You had stopped an hour into your drive to eat dinner, since during your reception you were both constantly moving you didn’t really sit down to eat, so you didn’t need to worry about anything more than a snack. While Merle made sure you had plenty of firewood you cut up an apple and some strawberries and pulled out a bunch of grapes, and carried it outside to the back of the cabin. Merle had already set up a few camping chairs around a fire pit dug into the ground that was lined in bricks on the sides. He already had a small fire going to ward off the chill of the night and you set the plate of fruit on the small table he’d set between your chairs. You made a game of tossing grapes into his mouth and he fed you strawberry and apple slices while you looked into the fire and enjoyed the night song of nature. As much as you couldn’t wait for him to make love to you out there you knew until he had a better idea of the lay of the land he wasn’t going to do anything that would distract him outside the cabin. He was a hunter and one thing he always emphasized to you was making sure you knew your surroundings in the daylight well before any adventures at night on unfamiliar ground.

Once the fire had died down and he made sure it was put it out with sand you headed inside. The cabin had two bedrooms and a loft with a large great room whose kitchen sat to one side. The bathroom was huge with a two-person tub, a skylight above the tub, and a separate shower. There was a TV and DVD player but no cable, and a closet full of board games. The bedroom you chose had a large king size bed with lots of pillows and a comforter so blue it reminded you of Merle’s eyes. You took your toiletries into the bathroom and got ready for bed while Merle made his way around the cabin making sure everything was locked up. When he was done he found you reclining on your bed clad only in a tiny black lace thong and a lace babydoll that only really covered your breasts and was sheer everywhere else.

You crooked your finger at him motioning for him to come to you and pushed up onto your knees when he neared the bed. He put his hands on your waist and leaned back to look you over before grinning at you mischievously.

“Ya know Angel, ya don’t have to dress fancy like this fer me. I’d throw ya on the bed and fuck yer brains out or eat yer pretty pussy if ya were wearin’ a potato sack,” he told you as he lifted the hem of the babydoll and rubbed it between his fingers.

One shoulder bounced as you moved each foot to the floor and touched one finger to the center of his chest as you walked around behind him and he looked over his shoulder at you. “You sure you don’t like this outfit Merle?”

His lips touched your hand when you squeezed his shoulder and pulled on it to get him to turn around. Your hand nudged the center of his chest and he took the hint and sat down on the bed with his legs spread wide apart. He held a hand out for you to hold while you got down onto your knees. Merle was watching you closely just like he always did. The man rarely closed his eyes when he was with you, he was always watching every movement and every facial expression.

You made sure his eyes were on yours when you bent your head to mouth his hardening length through the fabric of his jeans. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth when you reached your tongue out to trace the outline of him. Merle sucked in a breath when you unzipped his jeans and freed his hardened cock then sucked his velvety head between your lips. Running your tongue over as much of his length as you could you traced the veins on the front and back of his cock with the tip of your tongue. When you licked the seeping pre-cum and swirled your tongue around the head of his cock he sucked in a breath and groaned.

His blue eyes were burning with need when you got him to lift his hips so you could pull his jeans down while he toed off his sneakers and you pulled them off his long legs. You sucked him back into your mouth and swirled your tongue over his length while he fucked your mouth until you felt his balls tighten in your hand.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair to try to pull your head away but you resisted, “Angel, you gotta stop. I’m gonna cum.”

You hummed with him in your mouth and that was all it took. Merle came with a growl and you swallowed down the long hot spurts of cum until he was spent and breathing heavily with your hair still in his hands.

“God Angel, that mouth of yers is pure sin,” his voice was husky and when you looked up at him his look was mischievous.

He picked up your hand as he laid back on the bed and pulled you onto the bed with him. Holding two fingers up to his mouth he stuck his tongue between them and wiggled it at you when you looked down at him.

“Really Merle?” You grinned at him as you reached down and push the thong down your hips and held onto his hands while you pulled it off and tossed it to the floor.

Merle steadied you as you moved up the bed to straddle his face and he reached up to position you right where he wanted you over his mouth. Wiggling his fingers you threaded your fingers with his and held onto his hands then his tongue was fucking your pussy and he was sucking hard on your clit. One thing Merle knew was how to get you off, fast if he wanted to, and he was damn good with his tongue. When you felt the first shuddering waves of your orgasm you involuntarily leaned forward and almost fell off the bed but Merle held your hands steady and kept you in place as you rode him through the end. When your body finally stopped spasming over him he helped you move back to the bed and lie down while he pulled his t-shirt off and wiped his mouth off with a wicked grin.

You lay next to him taking deep shuddering breaths while your legs continued to shake. Merle lay down on his side next to you with his head propped up on his hand with his other hand running lightly over the flesh of your belly.

“Rubber legs, Angel?” He teased you then stuck the tip of his tongue in the corner of his mouth with a grin.

Your face flamed and you put a hand over your eyes while you laughed, “God Merle, fifteen years we’ve been together. Why does that still make me blush?”

He just bounced his shoulder then leaned down to kiss you and his hand moved to tangle in your hair to hold your head in place as he moved over you. When his cock slid into your slippery pussy, with your legs still trembling from your orgasm, you felt your toes curl when he rubbed against your g spot. The man was moving his hips in a very deliberate way, one he knew would have the head of his cock hitting your g spot, then bouncing off your cervix when he slammed into you the last few inches. His lips were right at your ear, alternating between nibbling and licking your earlobe, and just breathing so everytime he exhaled goosebumps raised on your skin making you shiver and squirm. Merle kept up that pace until you brought your legs up around his waist and then he started fucking you fast and hard. He grabbed your hands and held them above your head in one hand while you arched your back and started mewling uncontrollably. His mouth found one of your nipples and bit down, enough to sting and make your pussy tingle, then his tongue swirled around it soothing out the sting of his bite. The wooden headboard was banging against the wall with every one of his thrusts and your entire body was tingling. All you could hear were his grunts and harsh breathing and the sound of the headboard and then it felt like fireworks were exploding in your body centered on where his cock was fucking your pussy. You tilted your head and arched your back up off the bed and moaned his name long and very loudly. If you’d been at home the neightbors might have called the police, you were so loud. With one last hard thrust Merle’s entire body tensed and shuddered and he was swearing above you with his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched. You could feel every wave of his orgasm as he unloaded every drop of cum left in his balls inside of you.

Finally, after both of your bodies relaxed he slid out of you and rolled to his back where he put one hand behind his head and lay the other alongside his body. You lay on your back next to him working to catch your breath and slow your racing heart. Long minutes later you felt his hand cover yours laying on the bed and squeeze, his way of saying he loved you without words. It wasn’t but another minute later you could hear his deep even breathing indicating he’d drifted off to sleep. With a smile on your face and your husband lying by your side you drifted off as well.

 

The next morning when you woke up it was to the smell of coffee and bacon. Merle was up and cooking. Something he usually only did on Sundays as odd as that might have seemed. Sundays for most people were reserved for Church and family gatherings. For you and Merle, on the Sundays you were off shift, it had always been your day to get up early to him making breakfast which during nicer weather you enjoyed in back of your house at the creek. After breakfast you would often go hiking somewhere, go fishing, or a myriad of other things you could do outside that you both enjoyed. You just as often stayed in and cuddled on the couch watching a movie or just enjoyed each other’s bodies as well.

This day though, this day was special, because you had a surprise for Merle and you were excited to finally show him. When you walked out into the kitchen you found Merle standing in front of the stove flipping bacon with a fork. He was wearing a yellow apron with ‘Killer Cook’ written on the front and a black cut out shape of an upside-down squirrel and various blood stain cut outs scattered over it. You thought you’d managed to hide it from him but he obviously found it.

“Mornin’ Angel,” he said to you with a grin when he saw you eyeing his apron.

“Morning,” you gave him a kiss on the cheek when he turned his head and pointed at it with his fork. “I see you…uh…found your apron.”

“Yeah, funny thing…” Merle moved a few bacon slices to a paper towel covered plate, “It was folded up all neat like and stuck in the top of the pantry. Came falllin’ down when I grabbed a couple boxes of cereal up there. Ya wouldn’t happen ta know how it got here would ya?” He grinned over at you.

Your eyes widened and you snatched a piece of bacon from the plate before stuffing it in your mouth and chewing. Shaking your head you made noises to indicate you didn’t mixed in with yummy noises which just made him chuckle. He finished making breakfast and set a plate in front of you while he went to make his own. “I have something to show you outside when we’re done with breakfast.”

“A’right,” he said and sat down next to you with his own plate and tucked into his food.

After cleaning up the dishes you led him by the hand to the end of the dirt and gravel driveway that lead to the side of the cabin. A large wooden mailbox in the shape of a red barn sat there and on a post next to it a sign with blue swirls around the edges that read “DIXON FAMILY CABIN.’ Merle stood there staring at it with his hands on his hips for what felt like forever before he finally turned to you.

“What’s this?”

“This is ours, our family’s if you want it,” you told him quietly, with a smile playing about your lips. “The house has been paid off the last few years and I’ve been able to put that money away and more for the last year. You wanted our finances separated the last several years so you couldn’t put us in a bind so you never knew how much I was putting away. There was enough to put half down on this place and keep a nice nest egg in savings. The mortgage that’s left is half what we were paying for our house which wasn’t much anyway. If you want it, this is our home away from home.”

“Angel, I don’t deserve this,” he whispered.

You moved to stand in front of him and grasped both his hands in yours, “Merle, I love you. The past is the past, leave it there. This is for you, because I want you to have someplace you can get away to go hunting by yourself or with Daryl if you want. This is for us, so we have a place we can get away that’s ours and no one else’s, where none of the drama of our crazy small town can follow us. Someplace we can bring Carol, Daryl, and the kids for a weekend, or…” You hesitated just briefly over your next words, “Our own family eventually.”

The man in front of you was speechless. His blue eyes full of love, tenderness, and awe as he looked at you. “I don’t know what to say.”

Shrugging your shoulders you just grinned at him, “Say you want it. I haven’t made anything official. I paid for the week here which the owner agreed would function as a deposit until you had a chance to look at it, he’s holding the balance in escrow until we sign the contract. I already have the mortgage approved. We just have to sign the documents.”

“This what you want too?”

Nodding you smiled at the tears you saw in his eyes, “Yes Merle it is.”

“Okay, let’s do it then,” he agreed with no hesitation.

You squealed and jumped into his arms bouncing up and down until he put his hands on your shoulders to steady you. When you finally calmed your tits as he put it you told him that you could go into town anytime over the next few days to sign everything so that the process could get started. He decided it made sense to do it that day so you could both explore the town and get an idea of ‘the lay of the land’ as he always called it. While you were there you got to know your new little vacation town. It was calm, peaceful, and the people were friendly and smiled at you both as you said hello and talked to them. Smiles were something Merle didn’t get often at home so it was nice to see him in a different element where he could relax and not tense himself for the automatic judgement that came from the people in your hometown.

When you got back to the cabin you took your small shopping bag and copies of all of the documents you had signed inside while Merle wandered the perimeter of the property. The cabin sat back from the road at the end of a not too long not too short driveway nestled in a cove of trees on five acres of land. That alone made Merle really perk up, while it was a small property for hunting the prior owner said it teemed with wildlife and he’d hunted it for years successfully. The surrounding properties cooperated with each other as well so realistically he’d told you there was close to 200 acres of private land in total that could be hunted. All Merle needed to do was make an effort to get to know the neighbors which he actually seemed agreeable to doing. You’d never seen him happier.

The week of your honeymoon was one of the most blissfully peaceful weeks you’d ever spent and you knew you’d be making more memories there than you could possibly anticipate. Your only hope was that when you made it back home the relaxed Merle you’d been able to coax out of the normally tense one wouldn’t go back to hibernating again. Especially when you were both hit from two sides with surprising news.


	9. Surprises

It had been about six weeks since your honeymoon in what was now the official Dixon family cabin. Merle had taken Daryl up there the weekend after you got back to scout the entire property and check for any issues they would need to be aware of. They made a few repairs, put up a few deer stands, and started to get to know the neighbors that weekend. A few weeks after that Carol had her mother take Sophia and Lizzie and she and Daryl made a weekend trip up there. You and Merle were planning another trip over the weekend but you weren't sure if that was actually going to happen.

Sitting in the bathroom stall at work, you stared at the little stick with the plus sign on it. Pregnant. Merle was going to shit a brick and probably lay one too. Dropping your forehead into your palm you felt tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy you were pregnant, in fact you were ecstatic. You’d wanted to be a mother for so long and Merle was the only man you could ever imagine having children with.

When Merle got sober and you stopped using condoms you hadn’t even considered this possibility since you’d been on the pill for years. He’d make a wonderful father if he didn’t completely freak out at the thought. Andrea’s little deceit in claiming Merle was her baby’s father never even fazed him because he knew it wasn’t remotely possible. Merle loved children and he was absolutely wonderful with his nieces. Though you weren’t sure how he was going to react to a child that was actually his. It was your sincere hope he’d be happy at the prospect of being a father but considering his own childhood you just weren’t sure.

While you sat there staring at the stick in your hand you had the urge to call Carol and talk to her about how Daryl took the news of her pregnancy with Lizzie. You couldn’t though. Merle needed to be the first to find out about this before any one else. Fortunately, the test you used had a cap for the end you peed on so you stuck it in your purse to show Merle later. Once you figured out how to tell him that was.

Standing up you turned and flushed the toilet after putting the strap of your purse over your shoulder. Your eyes focused on the lines of the floor tiles as you walked to the sink to wash your hands then brushed the tears from your eyes. Somehow you made it through the rest of your shift without tears or worry and headed home with a mostly clear head. Merle was in the kitchen reading some papers when you got home. His blue eyes were tight, the tendons in his neck were standing out, and it looked like his jaw was clenched as well.

“Merle?” You walked to the island and set your keys and work bag down.

Merle pursed his lips and handed the papers across the island to you. You watched him walk to the refrigerator and retrieve a bowl which he sat down in between you and braced his hands on the counter. “Go on Angel. Read it.”

His voice was decidedly angry but eerily calm as well, which worried you.

When you looked down at the papers you realized they were a paternity order outlining that Merle had been deemed the father of Andrea’s baby and awarding her child support. You narrowed your eyes at the papers and read them again. They didn’t make any sense at all.

The two of you looked at each other across the island and you held the papers up with a shake of your head. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“No kiddin’, I didn’t take a paternity test Angel. Andrea never showed up with her baby.”

“How the hell can the judge order paternity when it’s never even been determined?” You were completely baffled. Merle had denied paternity and the court should have ordered testing. That was the way it was supposed to work before the father’s name was put on a birth certificate or child support was ordered. When you looked back up at Merle he was chewing on his lip and looked haggard.

“I really wish I knew.” His voice was subdued, defeated, and he appeared disappointed somehow.

You gave him a curious look. “Merle aside from the obvious, what’s wrong?”

Taking your hand he pulled you around the island and into his arms where he held you tightly and rested his chin on top of your head. He was silent for so long you started to worry and you leaned back to look at him after a minute. “Angel it’s just…” He shook his head and huffed but you wouldn’t let him go when he tried to step back away from you. “I’m always doin’ somethin’ to screw things up. Always disappointin’ ya.”

You swiped at his chest and shook your head. “Merle stop that. You haven’t disappointed me. This isn’t your fault.”

He grabbed the papers out of your hand and shook them in the air. “If I hadn’t cheated on the best thing that ever happened ta me with that dick eatin’ cunt this shit never would’ve happened.”

Sighing you rolled your eyes at him. “Merle stop it damnit. This is not your fault, this is all Andrea and that disgusting mayor of ours.”

“You got too much faith in me Angel.”

“Stop it. Look Monday morning we’ll talk to a lawyer about appealing the order. There is no way this is a legal order without a paternity test when you’ve denied paternity.” Taking Merle’s hand you set the papers aside and pushed up on your toes to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you Merle,” you said against his lips. When you dropped back down you leaned your forehead on his chest and sighed when he put his arms around you again.

His muscles tensed against you. “What’s wrong?”

“I have some news of my own, but I don’t know how you’re going to take it.” Stepping back out of his embrace you grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch where you both sat down.

Merle studied you closely, the concern evident in his blue eyes and he frowned. “Are ya okay?”

All the air seemed to rush out of the room and you could hear the whooshing sound of your blood in your ears. Your mouth opened as you looked blankly at Merle and you couldn’t say a word. “Uhm…I am…We are…You’re going to be…”

He was looking at you like you’d grown a second head. “Angel, yer worryin’ me now.”

Resting your elbow on your thigh you dropped your face into your hand and laced the fingers of your other hand with Merle’s. Lifting your head again you turned to look back in the kitchen and got up to grab your purse. When you sat back down next to Merle he was watching you with a curious expression. Reaching into your purse you put your hand on the pregnancy test and closed your eyes before you yanked your hand out of it and slapped the stick into his.

There was dead silence.

You couldn’t even hear Merle breathing. It was almost like time stopped. When you opened your eyes you found Merle was staring at the pregnancy test in his hand. His eyes lifted to yours and he gestured with the stick. “Ya peed on this thing?”

Pulling your brows together you pursed your lips when you looked at him. “Uhm…yes…”

He looked at it again, stood up, and stuck it in the pocket of his jeans. “I’ll be back Angel.”

Your eyes followed him to the door and you stared at it while you listened to his truck start and pull out of your driveway. Dropping your face into your hands again you squeezed your eyes shut and rubbed your thumbs between your eyebrows. You weren't sure how you should feel about Merle leaving. He didn't get mad or upset which you took as a good sign. But hindsight being what it was you were starting to think perhaps you should have waited until after you confirmed for sure with your doctor. Despite all of the problems you and Merle had over the years you never hid anything from each other. He never hid his cheating, drinking, or drug use from you, those were things he'd always been up front and honest about. In turn you never hid anything from him when it came to you or how you felt about anything. That was how you had managed to stay together through everything. Absolute honesty. At this point though you just weren't sure how he was going to handle your news combined with Andrea's stupid paternity order.

You wanted Merle there with you so you could share your happiness and trepidation. He’d been there with you for every milestone, every important moment, every piece of sad news, every piece of happy news, every time you were scared, every time you were unsure. For him not to be here with you now hurt your heart but at the same time you understood his need for distance. He had to come to terms with the thought of being a father and potentially being the role model to a little boy who would grow up to be like him.

Dropping onto the stool at the island you put your face into your hands and groaned. You should have held off telling Merle about the pregnancy. Now you were just going to sit and worry about him until he came home. Getting up from the couch you went to the island and pulled the bowl Merle had set out toward you. He was marinating chicken for the grill. A grill master you were not. The last time you tried to grill something you almost set the side of the house on fire so Merle had deemed the grill a Grace free zone. You got up and turned the oven on then pulled one of your oven pans out of the cabinet and arranged the chicken in it. After putting it in the oven to bake you set a timer and put the rest of dinner together.

Two hours later Merle wasn’t home yet and you started to worry so you called Carol.

 

Daryl pulled up to the cabin on his motorcycle to find Merle's truck parked haphazardly in front. He took his time taking off his helmet and setting it up on the handlebars so his eyes could scan Merle's truck, the surrounding woods, and then over the cabin. There wasn't any movement at all anywhere and he didn't hear Merle. Swinging his leg back over his bike he hiked his backpack up and walked over to Merle's old truck and looked inside.

Disappointment hit him in a rush. There were beer cans littering the passenger seat and floor. Anger took over from the disappointment and he stalked toward the cabin with every intention of reaming Merle into next year but he stopped short of the porch. With his eyes on the front door he thought back to when Carol gave him the news that she was pregnant with Lizzie. Granted he'd never had the drug or drinking problems Merle did, but he didn't handle that news very well either.

Daryl had taken off on his bike and rode until he started seeing signs for Alabama before he turned around and went back home to his pregnant wife. Realistically all he'd had to deal with was that whereas Merle was facing fatherhood and a paternity order on a child that wasn't even his. Daryl believed that now. After a lifetime of Merle lying and generally being an unreliable asshole it had taken Daryl longer to believe in Merle but he'd gotten there.

They had all known there was a chance Merle might fall off the wagon with drugs or alcohol. He'd spent a lifetime using one or the other to mask his problems and bury his feelings. It hadn't quite been a year and a half that he'd been sober. Daryl knew they could all deal with him falling back into a bottle. He and ole Merle would have a talk, probably fight a little bit, but Merle loved you more than his own life and he'd put the bottle back down. The only real worry Daryl had was if Merle had picked up another woman since his drinking and drugging had always been the catalyst for his cheating.

Rolling his shoulders Daryl made his way up onto the porch and tried the door. It was unlocked. Not surprising. When he walked in he found Merle passed out on his stomach stretched out over the couch. His head was hanging down off one end and his arms was dragging the floor. His jeans were still on though he only wore one boot, and he still wore his wife beater but his flannel shirt had been discarded over the kitchen island. There weren't any signs that a woman was there or that Merle had brought one but Daryl checked the entire cabin just to be sure. Once Merle was sober that was a question he'd have to ask regardless of how Merle felt about it.

Since it was already dark and Merle looked to have had at least a full case of beer before he passed out Daryl knew they were going to be there at least until early the next afternoon. He dropped his backpack in the smaller bedroom and checked the refrigerator and freezer. Fortunately he came up with the fixings for chili which he got started on the stove before stepping out of the cabin onto the porch.

Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket he considered whether to call his own wife or you. Carol had taken Sophia and Lizzie to her mothers after he left and went to stay with you until you heard back from him. He knew the two of you would be together and right now Merle wasn't in any condition to talk to you so he opted to call Carol.

"Daryl? Please tell me you found him." Her voice as always, even in the worst of times, was calm.

"Yeah baby I did. He's at the cabin like I thought he'd be." Daryl gruffed into the phone.

He could heard Carol moving her phone around. "Daryl found him at the cabin."

Muffled in the background. "Thank God. Is he okay?"

"Listen Carol, he's okay but..." Daryl hesitated to say that Merle had broken his sobriety.

"It's okay Daryl. Grace and I already talked about that. She knew it was possible." Carol soothed his troubled mind.

"A'right." Daryl looked down at his scuffed boots and scraped one across the wood of the porch to kick at a twig there. Lowering his voice he said his next words quickly. "He's been alone far as I can tell."

Carol just hummed. She didn't want to let on to you what they were the most worried about any more than Daryl did. Though he was sure it probably had crossed your mind too.

"I'm gonna stay up here 'til I can sober him up and get him back in his truck. Hopefully we'll be back late tomorrow afternoon but maybe Sunday."

"Okay pookie." He heard the smile in his wife's voice and couldn't help but smile himself.

"I love ya baby. Tell the girls I love them too when you talk to them."

"I will. Love you too.”

He disconnected the call and pocketed his phone. Daryl stood there on the porch for a few more minutes rocking on his heels and thinking back to his and Merle's childhood. Merle was ten years older and had been out of the house as soon as he could leave which left a very young Daryl essentially alone. They both suffered similar fates at the hands of their father but where it made Merle bitter and turn to booze and drugs it had forced Daryl into a shell. He never worried he'd hurt Carol or the kids, his worry had always been that he'd withdraw from them. Whenever he did though Carol brought him back out from turtling himself as she called it. Daryl was sure he knew what Merle was worried about. He just had to convince Merle that he was thinking wrong.

Sucking in a breath he made his way back inside the cabin to find Merle hadn't moved. The chili was boiling so he turned it down to simmer and went over to the chair on the other side of Merle and stared a hole into his brother's head. By the time he woke up a few hours later the smell of chili filled the cabin and Merle was groaning.

Daryl got up from his chair and went into the kitchen to stir the chili and turn off the stove. He scooped a bowl up for himself, grabbed a spoon, and went to sit out on the front porch. Merle was waking up and he figured it was probably better to let him completely wake up before he started laying into him for running away. It was probably fifteen minutes later when Merle joined him. He sat next to Daryl on the porch steps with a bowl of chili of his own in hand.

Gesturing with his bowl at Daryl he nodded in thanks but didn't say anything.

The Dixon brothers sat next to each other in silence while Merle ate his chili. It was the night breeze that brought it to Daryl's attention that Merle smelled like stale beer. With a glance to Merle he pursed his lips and shook his head. "Yer gonna need ta take a couple showers before ya go home ta Gracie."

Merle set his bowl aside and bowed his head with his forearms resting over his knees. "Yeah, I know. Probably shouldn’t go home til Sunday. Imma have beer smell oozin' outta my pores until then. Don't wanna make Gracie sick."

Daryl raised an eyebrow at Merle and jutted his chin out at him. "Ya actually care how she feels?"

"Now listen here lil broth..." Merle started to get irate and raise his voice but deflated just as quickly. "Course I do. She's my wife and I love her. I just needed time ta think."

"About what Merle? What did ya have ta think about?" Daryl wasn't going to back down so easily. Just because he understood didn't mean he wasn't angry or hurt and he knew how worried you had been.

"Damnit Daryl, I know yer angry...Fuck it all, I'm angry with myself. A year and a half sober and I blow it over some of the best news I ever had in my life." Merle stood up and angrily threw his bowl into a tree.

The echo of shattering ceramic came back to them on the night air and Merle paced in front of the cabin.

"Why'd ya take off then?"

He paused and turned wide eyes on Daryl. "Why'd ya think? I'm a drunk just like the old man. I'm gonna be a shit father. I'm already a shit husband for Gracie by running off like I did."

Daryl sat forward with his hands folded between his knees. "Speakin' of that Merle..."

Merle narrowed his eyes and pointed at Daryl with a shaking finger. "Don't even go there lil brother. I promised Gracie when I got sober that I'd never cheat on her again and I ain't. Yeah, I picked up a case of beer b'fore I left the city." Waving a hand to the truck he shook his head, "I drank some on my way up here. Shouldn't of done that. It was stupid and I know it but most of them cans are from me sitting right here in the truck and drinking b'fore I took the rest inside. No woman but Grace has been to this cabin with me. I ain't fucked another woman since I made that promise to her."

"A'right." Daryl nodded his head and watched his brother resume his angry pacing. "Merle just cause he made us don't mean we're like the old man."

"Fuck!" Merle yelled into the night air and threw his hand out to emphasize. "You might not be. Imma angry drunk. What the FUCK kinda father am I gonna be? I ain't worried about the baby that dick eatin' cunt Andrea is trying to pawn off on me. Whole fucking town believes I'm a cheatin' bastard anyway let them believe I don't give a rats ass about that kid cause I don't. It ain't mine. Child support order is for $300 a month. Just cause I gotta pay that shit don't mean I gotta be a father to it." He paused then and turned to look at Daryl with an expression Daryl had never seen before and it gave him pause. "The baby my Angel's carryin'? I don't have to think twice. I don't have to question. I know that baby's mine, I love that little tadpole already." Merle was quiet again and when he spoke his voice was softer but gruffer than normal. "She's givin' me a chance to have somethin' I never thought I could and I don't wanna be like our old man."

"Yer a dumb fuck Merle."

Merle stood up straight and tensed his shoulders at Daryl's words. "Lil brother, I really don't wanna drag ya out here and pummel ya but I will."

"Go on then ya cowardly fuck." Daryl stood up and took three quick strides to Merle who was staring at him like he'd lost his mind. "Come on ya piece of shit. Hit me! What're ya afraid of?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you Daryl?" Merle looked at Daryl like he didn't know his own brother, and to be fair in that moment he didn't.

Shaking his head Daryl faced Merle with steely determination. "Anytime we ever fought when we was kids or grown ass men there was always a reason behind it, we had somethin' ta work out. Ya never came at me just ta fuckin' hurt me cause ya could or cause ya thought it was funny. Did ya say a lot of stupid shit? Yeah ya dumb fuck, mostly when ya were drunk off yer ass or high as a kite. But ya never beat the shit outta me just because I dared ta breath, made a noise, ate the food in the house, or because I tried to stop ya from hurtin' our ma. _That_ was our old man. That's not you."

Merle was still as he listened to Daryl. His heart raced at hearing things he knew happened but had chosen to put aside. He discovered the scars on Daryl's back by accident during a fight and he regretted every single day he'd been away from their childhood home that Daryl had to suffer through that. "How do ya know?" Merle finally asked, he was in agony at that point, and ready to find anything that would ease his pain. "How do ya know that won't be me Daryl?"

"Ya protected me when I was little. For as long as ya could until ya had ta leave. I know I blamed ya for leavin' but ya were seventeen when ya left, ya were just a kid too. I can't hold that against ya no more. Not just that, but ya protected Ma too." Daryl paused to make sure Merle was looking at him, he was. "Ya ain't never once hurt Gracie or thought about it. She ain't never been afraid of ya. Geez, look at how ya are with my girls and I ain't never had a doubt in my mind 'bout leavin' them with ya, neither has Carol."

Merle felt like all of the blood in his body was rushing to his head all of a sudden and he stumbled his way to the porch steps and sat down on them.

"Ya a'right?" Daryl walked over and stood next to him, afraid his brother might be having some kind of crisis and wondering how long it would take an ambulance to get there.

"Yeah Daryl. Yeah, I'm fine." Merle reached out and put a hand on Daryl's shoulder. "Thanks."

They were silent a long time before Merle finally spoke again.

"Is Gracie mad?" Merle had his head propped in his hands with his eyes closed. The case of beer must be hitting him now that the adrenaline was wearing off.

Daryl cocked an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. "Well she ain't exactly happy but if she's anything like Carol was when I ran off she'll understand."

Merle's head lifted at that and his eyes looked surprised. "Wait a minute. _You_ ran off when Carol told ya she was pregnant?"

"Yep."

"Shit."

"Yep."

It was nearing one in the morning by then and the brothers opted to go to bed. Merle took a shower first though, hoping to get some of the beer smell off of him. The next morning Merle cleaned the beer cans out of the truck and cabin, took another shower, and they drove home. Merle had time to clear his head, really think about what Daryl had said the night before, and by the last half hour of the drive he was grinning ear to ear. He was going to be a daddy.

When they pulled into the driveway of the little house he shared with you it was early afternoon. He had a raging headache but he was still grinning ear to ear. Daryl got off his bike just as Carol came out of the door. They embraced and shared a sweet kiss and Merle waited to get out of the truck until she turned her eyes on him. When he walked up to his sister-in-law she was giving him a weird little half smile that he couldn't read.

"Are you done running away Merle Dixon?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good." She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug which he returned. "Congratulations. Now go apologize to your wife."

"Yes ma'am." He smiled sheepishly at her and hugged his brother before walking slowly up the sidewalk and into his house.

You were sitting on the couch in leggings and one of his t-shirts. While you didn't look to him like you'd been crying he thought you did look uncertain when he sat next to you. Your eyes focused on him and you accepted his hand when he held his out to you.

"I'm sorrier than I can possibly tell ya."

"You're home now, that's what matters."

"I broke my sobriety. I gotta start all over. I let you down."

"I forgive you. You're human, I don't expect you to be perfect."

"I didn't cheat on ya."

"I know."

He reached in his jeans pocket and pulled out the pregnancy test that he'd stuck in there the day before and handed it to you. "Can ya tell me again?" When you gave him a puzzled look he just smiled and closed your fingers around the stick. "Please."

Nodding you took a deep breath. Turning the stick over in your hands you lifted your eyes to his. "Merle, I have something to tell you."

"What is it Angel?"

Gently placing the pregnancy test in his hand you smiled up at him. "We're pregnant." His sudden smile made you smile even wider.

"I'm gonna be a daddy?" Merle asked, quietly, with reverence in his tone.

The look on his face, so different from the one the day before, made you touch your fingers to your lips to suppress a happy sob as tears pricked at your eyes. "Yes Merle."

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest before putting his lips just to your ear. "That the best news I had since ya said yes ta bein' my wife."

“Are you sure Merle. You scared me.” You whispered back into his ear.

“I know I did. I was being stupid. And scared.” He admitted then leaned back to look in your eyes. “I’m afraid of becomin’ my old man.”

You crinkled your eyes and gave him a curious look. “What made you realize that’s not going to happen?”

He sighed and put his hands to your cheeks then kissed your forehead. “My lil brother pointin’ out all the opportunities I already had to be just like him and never was.”

“You’re going to be a good father Merle. We have each other, and our baby has us.” You looked into his deep blue eyes and smiled with tears in your eyes that started to fall. “We’re having a baby Merle.”

Merle grinned again, ear to ear, then kissed you breathless before he walked out on the porch and yelled at the top of his lungs, “GRACIE DIXON’S HAVIN’ MY BABY!!”


	10. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this chapter I realized just how much was going on so rather than have more time jumps I opted to break it up and make it Chapter 10 and 11. So here's Chapter 10, Chapter 11 will be up around this time next week.

As you promised Merle the Monday after his little adventure to the cabin you were sitting in a lawyers office waiting for your consult over the ridiculous paternity order. You'd spent Sunday researching lawyers and discovered quite by accident that your parents were friends with an excellent family law attorney in the city. Ultimately that turned out to be a good thing because your Mayor held no influence or sway over him.

So you sat in the lawyer's office waiting for your appointment time with Merle sitting next to you constantly rubbing his hand over his jaw and bouncing his leg. His other hand held yours and you could tell that he was more worried about this whole charade than he'd ever been. You knew that Andrea's baby wasn't Merle's, you never had any doubts about that. What you didn't know was why she and creepy crawly Phil were pressing this issue so hard.

Merle hadn't worked for the Mayor for several years, not since he'd been on the Town Council, and while you knew he was angry when he quit he'd never told you specifically what happened. All he would ever say was that he'd made a few people aware of some of the man’s sadistic qualities. You genuinely believed this whole fiasco was somehow related but weren't sure how or why.

When you finally got in to see the lawyer he looked over the paternity and child support order, asked several questions, and seemed genuinely baffled as to how you got to that point. Merle explained that he had the occasional sexual relationship with Andrea in the past but that the last time was ten months before she ever became pregnant. You interjected that you attempted to have a non-invasive paternity test done on multiple occasions but that she'd never allowed the blood to be drawn with her routine labs at her OBs office.

The lawyer, a older man by name of Bryan Quinn, found all of this highly suspect.

"Ya think?" Was Merle's response to that.

"Is there anything in your past history with this woman or your town's mayor that would make them pursue something like this?" Mr. Quinn asked while he read the paternity order again.

You snorted which drew the eyes of both men to you. Flicking your eyes between the two you finally huffed. "Andrea has been pursuing Merle for years. We've been together just over sixteen years now..." The lawyer's eyes narrowed slightly and flicked to Merle before returning to you. "...She's always believed their brief sexual encounters meant Merle was in love with her. Andrea is an addict, she's weak minded and easily influenced. Philip Blake is a predator of the worst kind, I can't prove that, but I know it. Merle worked for him when he was on the town council and quit after bringing some of the man's activities to light."

Mr. Darby leaned back in his chair and steepled his hands in front of him while he looked to Merle. "What kind of activities?"

Merle rubbed his hands over his thighs several times and flicked his eyes back and forth between you and the lawyer in front of you both. "Listen, imma lot of things but I ain't never touched a woman without her sayin' I could and I don't go for that hittin' shit. Phil don't subscribe to the same philosophy. That's why I quit workin' for him. Saw the women in the office was real uncomfortable when he was around. Caught him touchin' one in the kitchen and threatened to chop his hand off. His wife used to come into his office with a lotta bruises too then she and their daughter just up and disappear?"

Mr. Quinn's brows drew together as he stared hard at Merle. His demeanor relaxed when Merle didn't back down from what he'd revealed and the man sat back again. "Let me start out with this paternity order. I have some suspicions of my own and if they prove true then getting this order overturned won't take much."

You breathed a sigh of relief but then realized you needed to have a discussion about the lawyer's fees. "Mr. Quinn, I know this might take some time and your secretary quoted your fees as $300 an hour. We have some money saved but with finding out we're pregnant I don't want this to eat everything we have."

He smiled and held up a hand. "I'm willing to do this on a $1,000 retainer for costs and the rest pro-bono."

You shared a stunned look with Merle before you both looked back to the lawyer. Merle found his voice before you could. "Why? What's in it for ya?"

Mr. Quinn smiled and sat forward over his desk. "I do a good amount of pro bono work but there's a little bit of selfish reason behind this. I know the judge who wrote that order and I've suspected for a long time that he practices outside of ethical constraints."

Merle chuffed and shook his head. "Leave it to good ole Phil to find a judge like that."

You both left the lawyer's office feeling better than when you went in there. He'd advised to follow the order by paying the child support to Child Support Enforcement rather than to Andrea directly. Simply because not paying it could land Merle in jail since it was technically a 'valid' order. However he reassured you both that even though there was an order for weekly visitation with Andrea present, that excluded you of course, Merle was not legally required to excercise that right. Merle was relieved at hearing that. He certainly didn't have any ill will toward the child, who was innocent of his mother's wrongdoing, but he didn't want the baby bonding with him.

　

A few weeks later you had your first OB appointment and Merle was right there with you. Because of your advanced maternal age, a term that nearly sent Merle into a rage at the doctor when he heard it, you needed an early ultrasound. After going through all of the new patient paperwork and exam, confirming your pregnancy, then meeting the doctor you sat in an exam room, naked under a blue gown and sheet with Merle pacing the room.

Sighing you reached out a hand to him. "Come here Merle."

Scrubbing a hand over his face he took your hand and moved to stand between your knees. Leaning his forehead onto yours he closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry Angel. I just..." His eyes blinked open and his bright blue irises were burning into yours. "I didn't realize how hard this was gonna be on ya because ya had ta wait so damn long for me ta get my head on straight."

You squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "Merle, if we were mean to have a baby years ago we would have. Regardless of what we were doing to prevent it. It happened now because it was meant to happen now. Stop blaming yourself for every little thing. I love you, you stubborn redneck."

He smiled at you then, a wide smile that showed straight white teeth and made the lines around his eyes bunch up. "I love you too Angel."

The exam room door opened then and you heard a cart being pushed inside the room. "Hey hey now, that's what got you two in my office in the first place."

Merle grinned and stood up straight then moved to your side, still holding your hand. He watched closely while the doctor entered some data from the file in her hand into the ultrasound machine in front of her.

When she picked up the ultrasound gel and turned toward you with a smile he was staring intently at the bottle. "Alright Mom and Dad..."

And with those words Merle frantically looked behind him and backed up to sit down hard in the chair there. He still had ahold of your hand though.

You looked over at him in some concern and saw he was pale and sweating. "Merle, are you alright?"

His hand squeezed yours and you saw him swallow a few times before he finally looked up at you. "I just...I knew ya were pregnant. I knew that meant we're gonna be parents. But hearin' it from someone else?"

Granted, you were a little worried at first he might pass out, but you were touched beyond words that he had this kind of awestruck reaction to hearing himself being called Dad by the doctor.

While all of this was going she had shrewdly continued on with what she was doing and suddenly the whooshing sound of a heartbeat filled the air. Merle stood up and looked over at the screen next to you where the doctor was pointing to what looked like a little peanut.

"That's it, that's your baby."

For once in his fifty-one years Merle was rendered speechless. You studied his face as he stared at the first picture of your baby. His mouth was slack and his eyes were wide like he was in shock at what he was seeing. Turning back to the doctor you smiled softly and asked her to print three copies of the picture. You'd put one in your baby album, show one to family and friends, and you had a feeling Merle was going to want keep one with him. She did what you asked and you scheduled your monthly appointment for when you hit twelve weeks. Apparently your child was, as cliche as it sounded, conceived on your honeymoon at the cabin so you were eight weeks along.

You were right. Merle took one of the ultrasound pictures and tucked it into his wallet.

　

It was about three weeks later when Merle walked into your house with Daryl wearing what you could only describe as a shit eating grin. Carol was there and the two of you were making cupcakes for the daycare center. Merle went straight to you, grabbed your face in his big hands, and kissed you soundly on the lips until you were breathless.

Those particular kisses from Merle were the kind that made you forget your own name and you struggled to find your words as he grinned at you. “What’s going on?”

“We just came back from Quinn’s office.” He stood there, looking quite pleased with himself as he rocked back on his heels.

You shared a look with Carol then turned back to Merle and put your hands on your hips. “Merle Dixon!”

“Now now Angel, don’t get all worked up.” Merle chuckled and reached out to pull you into his arms. He dropped a kiss on the top of your head then dropped down to his knees and pressed a kiss to your bare belly after lifting your shirt up.

Carol lifted her chin and smiled at the sight then looked to Daryl who dropped his eyes but also smiled. They were both genuinely happy at the myriad of changes in Merle just in the last few months. He wasn’t a different person, Merle would always be hard, irascible, and misunderstood, but the good man that had always been underneath all of that was present more on the surface.

“Merle please tell me what’s going on.”

“That lawyer of yers is good Gracie.” Daryl offered from where he stood on the other side of the island from Carol. He picked up one of the cupcakes that hadn’t been frosted yet and started peeling the paper off while Carol tried to get it from him. When he got it unwrapped he stuffed half of it in his mouth and just grinned at his wife who shook her head.

Merle snickered at his brother who started trying to share the rest of his cupcake with Carol. “He got that stupid assed paternity order yanked and the paternity case is in the city now. I gotta go and have the blood test done now, but so does Andrea and the baby. And apparently when Quinn got the order reviewed it got someone looking at the judge which got them looking at Phil.”

“What?” That got your attention and you looked between the two brothers. “Really?”

Daryl nodded and backed away from Carol’s frosting covered finger. “Yeah. Apparently he was blackmailing the judge with something, that’s how he got that order without Merle havin’ ta do the blood test. Sounds like Rick’s got some investigating to do. They suspended Phil until it’s over.”

“Suspected abuse of mayoral power Quinn said was the reason for the suspension.” Merle threw in as he stood up.

You were positively stunned. “There’s going to be backlash.”

“Yeah, we know. I mean I’m right next to the daycare so I ain’t worried about Carol. Someone that don’t belong shows up there and they’ll have to deal with me.” Daryl had made his way around the island next to Carol and when she opened her mouth to say something he stuck the last bite of his cupcake in her mouth. She just rolled her eyes at him and he kissed her temple with a chuckle.

With a shake of your head you chuckled, they were like teenagers sometimes. “There’s not much he can do at the hospital. We’ve got security in the ER and no one can get to my office without staff.”

“If he’s gonna do anything it’s gonna be right away. He’s pissed.” Merle looked over the cupcakes and snatched up a chocolate one which he unwrapped quickly and stuffed in his mouth before you could stop him.

You looked down at your belly. “You see that? That’s your Daddy. When you get here I’ll have two of you.”

Merle snickered and put a hand over yours. “Dun liffen ta yef mama.”


	11. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: chapter contains mention of past sexual assault and other crimes, blood, medical complications of pregnancy, loss, and strong emotions

You sat heavily down onto Carol and Daryl’s dining room chair while Carol sat a glass of iced tea and a sandwich in front of you then sat across from you with her own. Lifting your plate you sat it on top of your very pregnant belly and rolled your eyes over at Carol who started to laugh.

“I remember when Daryl would do that to me when I was pregnant with Lizzie.” She looked wistfully down at her own plate. “The first time Lizzie kicked the plate I swear I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head.”

Almost as if he could understand you, your son did exactly that. “Merle is convinced he’s going to be a linebacker. Even though the doctor says he’s small. But I feel _huge_. I’m thirty-five weeks and it just feels like he should be ready to go now.”

Carol studied your belly as you both ate. “I still say there’s two in there.”

“No. Ultrasound has only found one and there’s only been one heartbeat. It’s just him.” You moved your plate back to the table and rubbed your belly over where he’d kicked. “He’s a strong one, like his daddy.” There was a kick to your hand and you grinned.

Carol brushed her hands off and put her hand over your belly next to yours and he kicked her hand as well. She smiled then looked up at you as she sat back. “Have you picked a name for him yet?”

“We’re still bouncing names around, but I kind of feel like Merle’s right. We’ll know what his name is when we meet him.” Your shoulders bounced, and you looked over at the clock. Merle had dropped you off with Carol while he and Daryl were at the courthouse for Mayor Phil’s trial, the jury was supposed to go into deliberations.

“Stop worrying Grace, everything is going to be fine.”

“I still can’t believe Maggie never told us he assaulted her.”

Carol pursed her lips and stood up to clean off the table and wash the dishes once you were both done eating. Which just left you to think back over what had led you to this day with Merle at the courthouse waiting for a jury to once and for all put Philip Blake in jail.

Immediately after creepy crawly Phil’s suspension the DA and Sheriff’s office started investigating the allegations of blackmail the judge who wrote Merle’s paternity order had made against Phil. Not only was the judge investigated and ultimately suspended but Phil wound up being charged with abuse of governmental powers, blackmail, extortion, and various sex based charges. One of those involved him forcing Maggie to strip for him while she worked for the Mayor’s office. He had threatened to have Caesar plant a gun on Glen and then turn him in for unlawful weapons possession and concealed carrying. She had believed her husband would go to jail if she didn’t do what the Mayor demanded, and he got her to remove her bra before he was interrupted for actual Mayoral business. That wasn’t the worst of the sex charges though. Several women had come forward with similar allegations and two had alleged the Mayor had raped them. Those rape kits had never been tested but once they were the final nail went into creepy crawly Phil’s coffin.

When all of that came to light and Andrea was questioned she admitted that she knew all along her baby wasn’t Merle’s. That wasn’t a surprise to you at all but a lot of the town folk were noticeably nicer to Merle after finding out he wasn’t a dead beat father. Phil had convinced Andrea to claim Merle was her baby’s father in order for Phil to have something to hold over Merle’s head if Phil’s behavior ever came to light. He was apparently convinced Merle knew more than what he actually did and wanted to keep him quiet. Andrea was ordered to pay back the child support Merle had paid, and she was given probation with community service for various charges of her own. It eventually came out that her baby wasn’t even Phil’s but was in fact Caesar’s, who had his own legal issues to deal with since he helped cover up Phil’s assaults.

When Carol was done with the dishes she sat back down at the table with you and waved her hand in front of your face. “Earth to Grace Dixon…”

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts you realized it wasn’t going to do any good to worry over what was happening at the courthouse. Merle and Daryl would be home once the jury went into deliberations and your town would pick up the pieces regardless of how things turned out. You just hoped that Phil was punished for all of the heartache and damage he’d caused in so many lives. “Sorry Carol. It’s just been…” You waved your hand in the air as you tried to find the right word. “Surreal I suppose. I mean, it almost feels like we’ve been living in some kind of crazy soap opera for the last several months.”

She snickered and shook her head as she laid a plate of cookies on the table. The woman was always baking and you really wondered how she and Daryl never seemed to gain weight. All you had to do was look at a damn cookie and boom, your thigh got bigger. “Yeah, it’s been a bad soap opera at that. At least it’s coming to an end.”

You just nodded and absently picked up one of the cookies to nibble on. When you turned you felt a small sharp pain in your back. Nothing new. The bigger the baby got the harder it was to move like you used to without something hurting. The two of you moved into the living room where Carol turned on an old movie and you felt your eyes getting heavy. That was something else that had been happening more and more the further you got in your pregnancy. If you were idle for too long your body decided it was time to sleep. In this case you let your eyes drift closed to the sounds of the movie in the background.

When you woke up it was to a dull ache in your back and buttocks, from sitting in the same damn spot for too long, and you heard Daryl’s truck pull into the driveway. Carol was curled up on the chair to your side knitting something and Lizzie was on the floor in front of her mother playing with her doll. You both looked to the door when you heard the key turn in the lock. Merle and Daryl walked through the front door then with smiles wider than you’d seen on either of them in a very long time.

Before you could push yourself up to stand Merle came over and knelt in front of you. He gave you a loud kiss to your lips and pressed a kiss to your belly too. “It’s done Angel, it’s over. Phil’s goin’ ta jail fer a good long time.”

“Lizzie, take your dollie to your room honey. Please.” Carol asked her three-year-old little girl.

Lizzie stood up and picked up her doll and did as her mother asked her. You were going to have to find out from Carol just exactly how she did that.

Merle sat down next to you and Daryl sat on the arm of the chair Carol was in.

Once you heard Lizzie’s door close you looked between the brothers. “Well? What happened?”

“Phil was found guilty of rape, sexual battery, abuse of power, blackmail, and a couple other things. From what the State’s lawyer said he’ll do at least 25 years in prison before he’s eligible for any kinda parole.” Daryl explained and rested his arm over Carol’s shoulders.

After everything that had happened over the last year you had a hard time believing that it was really all over and Phil and Andrea wouldn’t be bothering any of you again. The pain had settled at the base of your spine and you needed to stand up and try and shift the baby out of the spot he’d settled in.

“Y’alright Angel?” Merle watched you press a hand to the small of your back and pace the living room.

“Yeah, I fell asleep before you guys came in and he settled into an uncomfortable spot. I just need him to shift.”

“Pushin’ on him ain’t workin’?” Merle chuckled at your hands which were trying to nudge your son into another spot.

“Not right now.”

“Lizzie did the same thing. I’d fall asleep and she’d settle into a comfortable spot, for her anyway. When I’d wake up it felt like someone had kicked me in the ass.” Carol eyes moved slowly over to Daryl. “I even accused this one of kicking me in his sleep.”

Daryl just shook his head and it sounded to your ears like he chuckled but when you looked at him he was talking to Merle.

The pain gradually got worse and you were starting to feel sick to your stomach when it felt like something was ripped away from your spine and you cried out. Daryl rolled off the arm of the chair to catch you as you fell and it felt like your feet left the ground. Your eyes focused on Merle who rushed toward you but you couldn’t understand him through the whistling in your ears and when you looked to Daryl he was saying something about blood. Carol’s face came into view but she was framed by some weird tunnel and kept getting further away. Your hands grasped at Daryl and Merle’s arms as you felt yourself floating through the room and the last thing you saw before your world went black were Merle’s blue eyes.

 

“Damnit, why ain’t they tellin’ me nothin’?” Merle demanded as he paced in front of Carol and Daryl in the labor and delivery waiting room they were directed to from the ER.

When you started to fall and Daryl caught you all he could focus on was the blood on Daryl’s arm and running down your legs. It wasn’t a lot of blood but that mixed with your cry of pain was enough to send him into a panic. What if you were losing the baby, what if he was losing you? His heart was beating so fast and hard he was starting to feel dizzy and his hands were shaking. He scrubbed his hands over his face and put them on his hips then paced out into the hall in search of a nurse. It had been over an hour since they’d rushed you into the ER and he hadn’t heard anything since.

Carol walked over and grabbed his arm to pull him back into the waiting room with Daryl. “Sit down Merle, I’ll see if I can find someone.”

He sat down next to his brother but he couldn’t sit still.

“She’ll be okay Merle, Gracie’s strong.”

Merle dropped his face into his hands and felt the moisture already on his cheeks. “I know she is Daryl. But what if this time she ain’t strong enough?” He wiped his hand across his cheeks and looked over at his brother. “I’ve put her through so much lil’ brother, she don’t deserve this. What if I lose her and I don’t get a chance ta tell her I love her before she goes?”

Daryl put his hand on Merle’s shoulders and gave him a hard shake. “That ain’t gonna happen Merle.”

“How do ya know Daryl?” Merle jumped up from his chair and shoved his hands in his hair. “It’s been over an hour. She was hurtin’ and bleedin’ and it’s all my fault. She’s the best thing that ever happened ta me and this is all my damn fault.” At that point Merle sobbed and Daryl stood up and hugged his brother.

The only sounds in the waiting room for several long agonizing minutes were Merle’s sobs.

“Carol?”

Daryl’s voice was choked when he said his wife’s name and Merle stood up straight and turned to look at her. She had tears running down her face and her hands were in front of her mouth.

Merle’s heart dropped into his stomach. “God no. Carol, is she…” He couldn’t finish that sentence. His eyes squeezed closed and he held a hand on his forehead while his body shook. It took all his strength to keep from completely breaking down right there while he waited for Carol to speak.

Carol moved her hands from in front of her mouth and she was smiling. “You have two.”

It felt like time stopped. Merle held his breath and his eyes widened as he looked between his sister-in-law and his brother. He almost wasn’t sure he understood what she’d said. “What?”

“You have twins Merle. A boy and a girl.” She whispered and squeaked when Merle picked her up and spun her around.

“That means Gracie’s okay right?” He asked when he set Carol back on her feet.

Her hands went back in front of her mouth and tears started running down her face as she shook her head.

“Nah, come on, she can’t be gone. Please tell me she’s not gone.” Merle had taken a few steps back and dropped to a knee, unable to hold himself up any longer.

“She’s still in surgery, the babies are being cleaned up in the nursery now.” Carol’s voice broke and Daryl took her in his arms.

Merle woodenly stood up and walked to the waiting room door. Turning back slightly to his brother and sister-in-law his heart clenched as he watched them hugging. “I’ll…I’ll be back.”

He walked down the hall following the signs to where he wanted to go. When he got there he put his hand on the door and just stared at it while memories of you rushed through his brain. This couldn’t be it, you couldn’t leave yet were the only coherent thoughts he could put together. Finally, he pushed the door open and walked into the chapel. Merle felt out of place and it was like he was walking in slow motion as he made his way to the front where a picture of Jesus on the cross hung on the wall. Dropping to his knees he bowed his head and pressed his palms together in front of him.

“God…” He sniffed and pressed his nose into his shoulder for a few seconds before he could speak. “I don’t know if I really believe in ya but right now I feel like I need ya.” He started rocking as he sobbed and closed his eyes. “Please, please God. Don’t take Gracie from me. Don’t take her from our babies. I don’t know what I need ta do but please God, don’t take her. It’s not her time.” Merle was met with silence and he looked up at the painting in front of him. “Come on man. Ya spared me when I overdosed. Please God, spare her, she didn’t do nothing wrong. She’s a beautiful angel and ain’t never done nothing ta hurt no one.” His hands dropped to his thighs and his body shook while he cried and felt more alone in that moment than he ever had in his entire left.

“Are you alright son?”

Merle sucked in a breath then sat up and looked to his left. A man wearing a priest collar sat there. “I don’t know.”

“Is Grace your wife?”

He nodded at the priest next to him.

“She sounds like a good woman.”

“She’s the best woman I ever met.”

“I’m sure she is. Sounds like a strong woman too.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t even know she’s gone son. Don’t act like she is. Have faith in her like I’m sure she has faith in you.”

That brought Merle up short and he took a deep breath to try to calm himself.

“Have you seen your babies yet?”

“No. I came here ta talk ta God first.”

“Go see your babies son. I’m sure your wife will want to know you saw them.”

Merle pushed himself up off the floor and pulled his t-shirt up to wipe his face. “Yeah. Yer right. She would.”

The priest smiled and Merle nodded at him as he made his way out of the chapel to search out the nursery. When he found it he wasn’t sure what he should do and just hovered in the hallway. There was an intercom which he stared at and scratched the back of his neck. His heart was in this throat and racing when he realized he was going to see his children for the first time.

A nurse walked out of the nursery in pink scrubs and looked at him strangely. “Merle Dixon?”

It took him a few seconds to register who she was. “Kristen right?”

“Yeah, are you here to see your twins?”

He just nodded.

She motioned him to follow her. “Has the doctor talked to you about Grace yet?”

“No.”

“Okay, let’s get you in to see your twins and then I’ll get an update on Grace for you.”

Kristen, he couldn’t remember how he knew her, took him inside the nursery where she checked his wristband then added a blue and pink one. She had him wash his hands and put on a gown then led him to two bassinets, one labeled BABY BOY DIXON and the other labeled BABY GIRL DIXON.

“They’re so tiny. What if I break them?” He put a hand on each bassinet and looked down at his son and daughter. Something dawned on him then. “Wait a minute. We’s always told there’s only one baby on ultrasounds and only heard one heartbeat. How’re there two?”

“Seems your son was protecting his sister even in utero.” Kristen shrugged as she showed him how to hold both babies at the same time then went to find out what was going on with Grace.

He stared down into the tiny faces in his arms and for the second time in his life fell absolutely in love with another human being. This time it was with two tiny little human beings that he had made with you. Merle stood there gently swinging the babies back and forth and cooing at them.

It was probably fifteen minutes later when Kristen came back and Merle felt his heart stop again.

 

Everything was quiet. And dark. There was pain, nausea, and loss. Something was missing. There were tears and a sob before the other person in the room jumped up.

“Angel?”

Your eyes popped open and focused on Merle who was sitting on your bed next to you in the darkened hospital room. “Merle?” You put your hands to your belly and felt the staples there and your heart lurched. “Oh God, oh God, oh God.” Frantically you grabbed onto Merle when he made it to your side and you put your head to his chest. “I lost the baby didn’t I?”

His hands went to your cheeks and he pulled your face up to look at him. He was smiling at you and shaking his head as he pointed to where he’d been sitting. There were two bassinets. One with a pink bundle and one with a blue bundle. “The _babies_ are right there, sound asleep so shhhhhhh…” He’d put a finger to his lips to shush you.

“Babies?” Your eyes narrowed on your husband. “What did you do Merle Dixon?!” You were struggling to sit up and trying to slide to the side of the bed but you suddenly felt hot and nauseated and your vision started to dance. “Oh no…”

Merle pressed something into your belly gently as he handed you a small basin to throw up in and pressed the call button for your nurse. There wasn’t anything in your stomach to throw up but bile and by the time you were done you were exhausted. It felt like you had been hit by a Mack truck, then picked up and shaken out, and run over by the Mack truck. You expressed this to Merle as he set the basin aside then sat gently on the bed next to you. He took your hands in his and pressed a kiss to the palm of each one. “I guess that’s what happens when yer insides get yanked out unexpectedly. And ta answer yer question, I didn’t do anythin’ Angel. Apparently, our boy was hiding his sister pretty good, protectin’ her before they’s even born.”

The nurse walked in then, gave you something for pain and nausea, checked all of your vitals, and looked at all of your IVs, wires, and finally your abdomen. You cried when she told you that you couldn’t hold your babies until the doctor was in and cleared you. She explained that you’d had a placental abruption that ruptured your uterus and both babies were taken by emergency c-section. They’d been unable to get your bleeding to stop because you had developed disseminated intravascular coagulation and they had to do an emergency hysterectomy as well.

When she finally left you alone with Merle and the babies you laid your head back and closed your eyes. “When Dixon’s do something we really do it up big don’t we?” Your voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper.

Merle chuckled. You felt his hand on your cheek before the bed shifted and his lips were on your forehead. “You scared me Gracie Dixon. I thought I’d lost ya. All of ya actually.”

Grasping his hand you pointed at him and smiled. “I’m not going anywhere Merle Dixon. Not for a very long time. You’re stuck with me.”

A little squeal came from one of the bassinets then and Merle stood up to see which baby it was. Apparently, your son was awake and hungry. Merle lifted him up and picked up one of the bottles that was sitting on the bedside table. He sat down with the baby facing you as he fed him the bottle, strangely the man seemed to be an expert baby feeder, and you rested your hand on your son’s belly while he drank his bottle. “He’s eighteen and a half inches and five and a half pounds. She’s seventeen and three-quarter inches and just under five pounds.”

“Looks like you’ve gotten the bottle feeding down.” You smiled as you watched your son hungrily drink down the last of his milk and Merle gently pulled the nipple from his mouth before he sucked in air. The baby went to his shoulder and got a few light pats before he was rewarded with a hearty burp. “You’re going to be just like your daddy,” you whispered to your son as Merle held him close so you could give him a kiss. He was settled back in his bassinet just as his sister was waking up and you went through the same routine with her.

When both babies were again asleep in their bassinets Merle helped you move over in your bed to a semi-comfortable position. He got up into the bed with you, around all the wires and IV lines, and you rested your head over on his shoulder.

“We still need names.” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

He hummed and fiddled with the sleeve of your hospital gown. “I got an idea about that Angel.”

You looked up into his blue eyes. “What’s your idea?”

“Chance and Faith.” Merle hesitated for a second while he waited for your reaction then continued when you smiled softly at him. “You didn’t have ta, but ya took a chance on me, and even when I was screwin’ everythin’ up you always had faith in me.” He pointed a finger toward the bassinets holding your sleeping children. “Them two’s our little miracles.”

Resting your head back on his shoulder you put your hand over his heart. “I love the names Merle. Chance Dixon and Faith Dixon.”

His hand moved gently into your hair and he kissed the top of your head. “Thank you, Angel. Fer givin’ me all this and lovin’ an old redneck asshole like me.”

The gentle rise and fall of his chest and thump thump of his heart beating brought you a sense of peace and his warm strong embrace made you feel safe. After all of the craziness of the last several months you were glad to finally have your little family, even if you did have some recuperating to do. You felt your eyes closing and your breathing slow down as you started to drift off. “I love you Merle.”

“I love ya too Gracie Dixon.”


	12. Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the last chapter of this story. No warnings, though this one is both happy and sad.

You sat on the edge of your bed smiling at the picture of Merle holding baby Faith’s little legs and crinkling his nose. It was the first time he’d changed one of the twin’s diapers.

_“Oh my god, Gracie. She STINKS…” Merle whined. “And it looks like mustard. We gotta take her back ta the doctor, somethin’s wrong.”_

_Little Chance suckled at your breast while you rocked in the chair of the nursery while Merle changed Faith’s diaper for the first time. He had her little ankles in one hand holding her butt up off the changing pad while he cleaned her up. His nose was crinkled up like it was the worst thing he’d ever smelled and he was standing as far back from her as he could. Faith, being the happy baby she was, was cooing and reaching her little hands out to him with the biggest smile on her face._

_“She’s fine Merle. That’s the normal poop color for a breast-fed baby.”_

_“Why? Why’s this normal? How do you do this Angel?”_

_“It’s just poop Merle.”_

_“This ain’t poop…” He looked horrified as a gurgling farting sound came from the direction of Faith’s formerly clean butt. “Gracie…”_

_He looked like he wanted to cry, and all you could do was laugh. Chance was done with his breakfast so you stood up and passed him to Merle before stepping in to clean your daughter up again._

The memory made you chuckle. When Faith was a young teenager and trying to gross her Dad out about something he’d just start telling the story of her yellow poop disaster. After hearing it three times Faith stopped trying to gross him out for fear that he might tell the story in front of one of her friends. The next picture was of Merle holding the twins at age five, one on each hip, on the porch of the Dixon Family Cabin. He was smiling and you were standing behind him on your toes pressing a kiss to his cheek.

_“Daddy! Daddy! Can you play with us?” Faith and Chance bounced like they were on crack in front of their father who was reclining back in a chair on the porch of the cabin._

_He sat up, dropped his hands between his knees, and looked critically at the twins. “Did ya do everythin’ yer Momma and Aunt Carol asked ya ta do inside the cabin?”_

_The two looked at each other and bounced some more. “Yes!”_

_“Ya picked up yer toys?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Did yer letters?”_

_“Yes!!”_

_“Ate yer vegetables?”_

_The bouncing stopped and they looked at each other again. Chance answered for them both. “We don’t like aliens.”_

_Merle looked at his children like they’d each grown a second head. “Somehow I don’t think yer Momma or Aunt Carol is feedin’ the two of ya aliens.”_

_“Bus sprouts!” Faith stomped her foot and looked at Chance then looked back to their father. “Not aliens.”_

_“Oohh!” Merle lifted his chin in an exaggerated nod as he looked in amusement at the two before kneeling down in front of them and holding out his arms to bring them in close to him. “Wanna hear a secret?”_

_They both nodded vehemently and leaned their little foreheads against his scruffy cheeks as his arms wrapped around their little shoulders._

_“I don’t like them alien heads either. I feed ‘em ta the dog.”_

_“Merle Dixon! Don’t give those two any more ideas then they already have!” You’d stepped out on the porch to hear the last of what he’d said to the twins._

_He scooped them up, one sitting on each of his hips and started down the porch steps before smiling back at you. “What Angel? I ain’t givin’ ‘em any kinda ideas.”_

_The two in his arms giggled and you just shook your head as you pressed up on your toes to kiss his cheek._

The next picture was Merle comforting your broken-hearted daughter on the eve of her break up with her first boyfriend. It made you smile because for as stubborn and difficult as Merle could be he had the softest heart when it came to you and your family. Especially his little girl.

_“Sweet Pea.” Merle knocked on your daughter’s bedroom door._

_“Go away Dad. I don’t want to see any stupid boys right now.”_

_Merle pressed his forehead to the door and chuckled while shifting the tray he carried to one hand. “Oh. So I’m a stupid boy now?”_

_There was silence from behind the door for a moment. “No.”_

_“Open the door Sweet Pea. My hands are full.”_

_He heard stomping coming from the other side of the door before it swung open to his fourteen-year-old little girl’s tear stained face. She looked at the tray he had in his hand. There was a plate of chocolate chip cookies and two small glasses of milk. “What’s all this?”_

_“Made ya some chocolate chip cookies ta cheer ya up.”_

_She narrowed her eyes on the tray and watched him set it on her desk inside the door. Faith sat down at the desk and rested her head on her hand while Merle dragged her bean bag chair toward her. He sat down in it and wiggled back and forth to get the beans into a comfortable arrangement while she watched. Finally she started to laugh when it looked like he was doing some kind of weird chair dance._

_His eyebrow lifted as he looked her way. “What? Think yer Daddy’s funny or somethin’?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_When he finally managed to get into a comfortable position he gave her a serious look. “Listen Sweet Pea, I know it don’t feel like it now but this ain’t the end of the world. If that boy can’t appreciate you for who you are then he don’t deserve you.”_

_Sighing she swiped at a stray tear. “I know. It’s just hard.”_

_“It ain’t never easy ta get yer heart broken. But ya learn from the relationship, grow, and move on.”_

_“Did you ever have a broken heart?” She accepted the cookie and glass of milk he handed her and waited for his answer._

_“Sure I did. Mostly broke my own heart hurtin’ yer Momma’s heart though.”_

_“Wait. Really? You broke Mom’s heart?”_

_“Not sure I broke her heart per se. But I certainly hurt it mor’n my share of times. Thing ya gotta understand is when it’s right you work real hard ta make it work even when one or both of ya’s makin’ mistakes. When it’s easy ta give up on it weren’t right in the first place.”_

_Faith smiled at her father. “I think I understand.” When she took a bite of the cookie in her hand she cringed. “Uh Daddy, did you use Mom’s recipe?”_

_“Is it bad? We didn’t have enough flour so I used corn starch instead. Yer momma said ya can use that instead of flour in gravy so I figured it’d word in cookies too.” He took a bite of his cookie then spit it back out in his hand. “Maybe I need ta leave the cookie bakin’ ta her.”_

_“Good idea Daddy.”_

You smiled when you came across the picture of Chance with his first date when he was sixteen. Merle had made them pose on the porch of the girl’s house before driving them to the movies.

_Merle watched as Chance excitedly got ready for his very first date. The two of you had been smart and had been open and honest with both Chance and Faith as soon as they started having questions. You’d had the discussion about sex, it’s implications as teenagers, how to protect themselves, and so on when they turned thirteen. They had level heads on their shoulders but now Merle was faced with the reality that his son could be the little grab assing asshole he’d once been as a teen boy. Not that he actually thought Chance would be that way but peer pressure did some strange things to kids._

_“Son, sit down. I wanna talk to ya.”_

_Giving him a concerned look, Chance nodded. “What’s wrong Dad?”_

_“Nothin’s wrong son. I just wanna make sure I pass on certain things.”_

_“Okay.” He sat down next to Merle on the edge of his bed and looked at his father expectantly._

_“Ya see how I treat yer Momma, son?”_

_Chance had no idea where this was going. “Yeah Dad. You treat her like she walks on water.”_

_Merle shook his head. “Nah, not quite. I don’t worship yer Momma, I don’t put her on a pedestal like that. That makes the relationship unequal. I respect her and I treat her that way. I treat her like an equal. I listen ta what she’s gotta say even when I don’t agree or think she’s bein’ bat crap crazy. I support her no matter what. I don’t bad mouth her or go to my buddies runnin’ off at the mouth ‘bout personal stuff that’s just between us. And above anythin’ else I respect her boundaries.”_

_“Okay…Dad I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me here.”_

_“I’m tryin’ ta tell ya son that this little girl yer goin’ ta the movies with ain’t an object. She’s a livin’ breathin’ girl with feelin’s and ya gotta respect that. Don’t go doin’ somethin’ stupid that’s gonna hurt her ‘cause some friend thinks it’s cool or okay. If ya decide she ain’t the one fer you man up and tell her and keep your relationship shit ta yerself. Even if she don’t, you do. Respect her if she says no, ‘bout anythin’, no matter what it is, no matter when it is. This ‘boys will be boys’ shit don’t fly in this house…”_

_“Dad…” Chance had reached out to grip Merle’s forearm. “I know all that. You might not realize it but you taught me all of that just by the way you are with Mom. As Mom likes to say to us, just because my friends jump off a bridge doesn’t mean I need to be stupid and follow blindly along. I’d like to think you both raised me better than that.”_

_Merle’s lips curled up into his teeth and he took a slow deep breath while he tried to curtail the tears brimming in his eyes. His boy was going to grow up to be a fine man. “Alright son. Finish gettin’ ready and I’ll take ya ta pick yer girl up.”_

_Chance hugged his father before he walked out of the room. “Thanks Dad.”_

You almost couldn’t help the few tears that slid down your cheeks at the picture of Merle holding your first grandchild who was nearly six now. He was smiling as he looked at the tiny baby boy in his big hands. Chance and his wife had gone on to have two more, twin girls. Merle loved being a grandfather, but that first one. That was something special.

_Chance lifted his new baby from his wife’s arms and brought him over to Merle. “Leslie and I wanted to honor you so we’re naming him Edward Merle Dixon.”_

_Merle looked shocked and happy all at once as his blue eyes filled with tears. “Y’all did good son.” He lifted Edward up to look in the baby’s half lidded eyes. “Hi there. I’m yer Grandpa Merle.”_

_You moved in next to him and leaned your head on Merle’s shoulder as you both gazed into the face of your grandson. Until he started crying for his mother’s breast and Merle handed him off to Leslie._

_As he walked away from the bed he turned wide eyes on Chance. “Be careful son, ya might need a gas mask fer that babies poop since Leslie’s breast feeding.”_

_Chance just looked between you and his father and all you could do was shake your head._

Your fingers smoothed out the tattered corner of the picture of Faith and Merle during the father/daughter dance at her wedding four years ago and you smiled at the memory. She was a vision and he couldn’t have been a prouder father.

_Faith paced in the dressing room of the church. Her wedding dress was on, fluffed and sparkling, her makeup done to perfection, her hair pulled back with her veil in place. She was ready and the bridesmaids had all filed out less than ten minutes ago but her father hadn’t come in to get her yet. There was a knock on the door and she looked up at it._

_“Come in!”_

_The door opened to reveal her father in his tuxedo smiling at her. For an almost eighty-two year old man he was still devastatingly handsome and his blue eyes were bright with the happiness he’d carried for as long as she could remember. “Ya know Sweet Pea, it’s bad luck for the groom ta see the bride before the wedding. What if I’d been Jake?”_

_She smiled at her father and straightened his bow tie, much like her mother had not all that long ago. “I don’t believe in bad luck Daddy. You taught me that. Your luck is what you make it.”_

_He grinned at her. “Good girl.” Taking her hand he spun her in a slow circle. “Yer a vision Sweet Pea. Still can’t believe my baby girl’s all grown up and gettin’ married. Yer too young yet.”_

_“Daddy, I’m thirty-years-old. That’s hardly too young. Chance has been married three years now, has a baby, and we’re the same age. Did you say that to him?” She fisted her hands on her hips and grinned at him._

“Maybe not. But you’ll always be my little Sweet Pea.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I know Daddy, I know.”

“Mom?” You looked up to find Faith and Chance standing in the doorway.

“Is that Daddy’s wallet?”

You smiled at your children and nodded. “Yes, I was just looking at the pictures he kept in here.”

Chance lifted one of them from your lap. “Is this our ultrasound picture?”

“Yes. He kept that picture in every wallet he ever carried from the day we had the first ultrasound. Though you were the only one we could see.”

Faith was sifting through the pictures on your lap. “He kept all of these in his wallet?”

“He did.”

“Wow.” She was smiling as she probably remembered some of the same things you had as you looked through the pictures. “You know, it’s funny. Everyone always seemed to think he was this mean-spirited old man. But he was always so loving and kind. I never understood what made people think that.”

You thought back over your fifty-one years together and smiled while you took each of your children’s hands. “We were the only ones that saw that side of him aside from a very small few other than your Uncle and his family. Your daddy was hard to get to know, he didn’t let many people in. But once he did…never doubt that he was the absolute best of men and he loved his family with all of his heart.”

They both looked at you with smiles on their faces and leaned in to hug you. You felt their tears on your shoulders and reached up to pat them both on their backs. “Now, now. You know your Dad wouldn’t want all this crying. He wants us to celebrate his life, not mourn his death. I had fifty-one years with him, that’s a lot of love.”

“You’re right.” Faith stood up and wiped her eyes.

Chance looked down at his watch. “Yeah, we have to get going. We need to leave for the cemetery in five minutes.”

“You two go on. I’m just going to put these back in your father’s wallet and I’ll be right behind you.”

They left the room and you tucked the pictures back into the wallet exactly how Merle had them in there pausing to look at the little polaroid he kept of the two of you on your very first date so many years ago. Merle Dixon had been a hard man to love, but you loved him with every fiber of your soul. That wouldn’t change with his death. Smiling you place a light kiss to his face in the picture and tucked it back where it belonged. His wallet went into your purse where you’d carry it until the day you passed, and your children found it once again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work kudos are appreciated. If you love it comments are wonderful. If you have constructive criticism or questions let's talk. If you leave blatantly rude or negative comments, know that no hate is allowed here and will be deleted. And if you read my work and are too shy to interact right now, know that's okay too.


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